A year alone v1

Today marks a year I've been without a best friend and this is the first poem for that

A year alone has gone by
It's just been me and my phone
Crying till my feelings are done feeling
Now I've learned how to be without a best friend
I still yearn for you tay
Youre gonna stay in my heart forever
The memory of your voice is still alive
I'm still diving into this pain when I'm by myself
I have a wealth of time and I've spent it improving
I'm attractive now but the flow of my words has run rather cold
I'm not as bold as I used to be
I can see how awful I was and struggle to accept myself
I want to die out of shame and loneliness
Hate the game hate the job
All i want to do is sob and ask the world why I'm alone
I'm so f*****g done but yet I'm not and i must keep walking forward alone
Toward a fate that I deserve
I matter I'm gonna be happy I will continue to keep myself sane and i have a decent life
Sure its rife with mistakes but i have to move past them
Even if I'm distancing myself from them it doesn't mean I've forgotten
I can't sit here and keep myself together if my mistakes stay in my head
Steadily replaying how garbage i am
It doesn't matter how nice my body is now
It doesn't matter that I'm crying
I'd be lying if I said this year didn't matter
A lot of nothing happened because I was lost in the agony
I've dug out a ton of pain to pour on myself and enjoy the feeling of misery but now
Now I'm slowly running outta steam
I'm the cream of the crop gone sour because I hate life and humanity