The Village Noir

The creature makes its first appearance

I grew up in a house that sat crooked and haphazardly upon a hill. From the outside the house looked ill. The windows were broken by hard pellets of rain and wind a very long ago. The roof tiles were also destroyed by the same storm leaving so many gaps in the roof that it makes the house look like as if it was going bald. In the front, the beams were leaning into each other which made it unsafe for us to walk out of the front door. Last winter, father removed one of the broken windows and we used this entrance as our new doorway.

            This is where my family and I dwelt. My father, Graygor, was never meant to raise a family. He treated my younger brother and I like strangers, keeping his distance, never making eye contact and when he approved of anything we did, he would offer us a smoke from his pipe. He never liked to comb his black hair so it sat matted and twisted upon his head covered by a wide brimmed hat. He only  removed his hat upon entry into our home. He was the village carpenter and offered the scars and scrapes to prove his line of work. He was always bleeding with scores and scores of blisters covering his hands. The scars and blisters made his skin rough and sensitive to the touch. He sometimes reminded me of the big oak trees he liked to cut down. Like an oak, he liked to stay put and preferred to watch things change around him. The only reason he allowed things to change was because of my mother, or so I liked to believe. After all she was the one who wanted kids.

            My mother, Elise was very skinny with smooth pale skin. Mon had the same dark hair as my father just well maintained. I remember this because my brother and I would always try to touch my mother’s hair and face while sitting in her lap or holding her hand. My mother also cried a lot. No matter what she was feeling, sad or happy she cried. It used to frighten me how much she cried and then I began to wonder; how much liquid can she hold in her body? When these crying fits occurred father would hold her and whisper something in her ear. Soon, I understood that father lived to protect and provide mother with whatever she wanted, which explained my brother and me.

            She was the one who wanted children. When I was born, she told me she was happy to have me and soon I would have a sister. She promised me I would have a sister, it did not matter to me because I was happy being the only child. Eventually, my mother became pregnant again but instead of the daughter that she wanted so badly, she got a frail, blind little boy.

            I was five at the time and bore witness to her disappointment and grief. Her green eyes turned grey as she began to cry. She held him out shaking her head.

            “Someone take him! He is too weak for me to care for!” Father was absent so only the doctors and I were present. The doctors quietly looked at each other not knowing what to do. I remained stoically in the corner staring at my newborn brother. He was crying as much as she was only; his tears seemed to be filled with fear while hers were filled with anger and disgust.

            “Will no one take him? I do not want him and will not call him my own! I told you I wanted a daughter and you have delivered the opposite! This child is blind and fragile! Something like this can not be mine! I will not have him so someone else take him!” The doctors began trying to calm my mother down. She threatened if they touched her she would drop him. All this yelling and crying gave me a headache, especially since I did not understand what was really happening. Maybe this happened when I was born and my father had to step up and take me from her arms. If I followed in my father’s footsteps, then maybe she would smile and everything would be calm.

            I slowly approached her bed, pushing past the doctors. No one tried to stop me, their attention was all on my mother and my newborn brother. I tugged on the sheet to let her know I was near. She looked down at me and lowered her head. I extended my arms and smiled.

            “It's alright mother. I'll take him.” I must have done something right because everyone in the room grew quiet. My little brother and my mother both stopped crying almost at the same time. Slowly she lowered him down into her arms and patted my head gently. When I accepted my brother, she knew she was stuck with him. She named him Cameron and tried her best to make him appear like her little girl. She dressed him in dresses, put ribbons in his hair, and even scolded him when he would not hold his legs together. Soon he grew out of such behaviors and realized that he was a boy. Shortly thereafter, my mother gave up on her dream of having another daughter and ignored the fact that Cameron was her son.

            Somehow we all made it through. I learned to take care of Cameron, offering some of my food when mother would offer him none, help him study the house by touching everything so that one day he would be able to navigate by himself. Spending a lot of time with Cameron I discovered that he loved to run. While touching the different objects he would laugh and get excited when he could identify where he was and what he was touching. When he felt comfortable he would break into a sprint until he tripped over a new object that he had not discovered. He was quick to cry and just like a mother instead of laughing at him like I wanted to do, I had to hold it in and help him. This process continued until our exhausted father returned home from work. Then we had to stay quiet so that he could fall asleep.

            Father worked in the village Noir and the hill we lived on casted a shadow over the entire area. I remember sitting on the edge of the hill with Cameron and watching people work and go about their daily lives. I would describe to him in detail what the people looked like and what they were doing. One day Cameron pointed out to me that all I seemed to describe was the males of the village and their sons. He helped me notice that I liked to observe the boys going out with their fathers to work and learn their trade. My father, at some point must have wittnessed my curiosity and decided to make an effort to talk to me, by this time Cameron was eight and I was 13.

            One day as Cameron and I took our normal perch upon the hill gazing down upon the village Noir, father walked up and quietly stood behind. Cameron leaned into me shaking and tearing up as the atmosphere became tense and chilly. I turned to see father standing behind us. He was slowly rocking back and forth, scratching his black hair. He finally took a deep puff from his pipe and slowly let it out. Cameron and I began to cough as the puff hit our face.

            “Let's go.” He muttered brushing past us. He was quick to run away from the awkward scene. I was excited and quickly stood, about to follow when I heard Cameron whisper my name. I bent down to him letting him know I was still near.

            “Father is taking us into the village Cameron.”

            “Noir? I do not want to go. I do not want you to go, Gray. I do not like the way the village feels.” He gripped my hand tightly, rubbing his face into it. Cameron only called me Gray when he becomes upset about something. He also did not grasp the fact that I was named after father. Since father did not speak very much, when he would respond to the name instead of me, Cameron would get frustrated and point out it was not right for father to speak for my name.

            “How can you know how a village feels?” I lifted him on my back. “Does being blind make all of your senses stronger?”

            “Yes! I can feel how sad the village is. Maybe its because our sick house blocks it from the sun.”

            “Is that so? Well, can you also sense the weight you have gained? Or how the tears you are about to cry will stain my shirt and make it uncomfortable to wear?” I felt his face grow very warm as I could not help but laugh. I was running down the hill now with him, trying to catch up to father who had not given a second thought to waiting for us.

            “Not funny Gray. That is not funny.”

            “Stop being so serious Cameron. You do not want to be like mother do you? Crying all the time?”

            “No I do not want that!” I felt his grasp tighten around my neck. I stumbled slightly as he began to choke me. I boosted him up on my back as we caught up to father who was waiting for us by the village entrance.

            “Keep up.” I nodded as Cameron shivered slightly. Father walked into the village as I followed. Already we had made him angry and we had not even begun to explore. Cameron whispered sorry and pleaded for me to describe what was going on. I told him of the vendors who wanted to sell various fruits and vegetables. All of the fruit was old and rotting and beginning to smell. I could not understand how anyone would want to buy this lot of foul smelling produce. A woman sat on the street wearing a dirty ragged dress begging for coins. Cameron asked if we could offer her anything. I reminded him that father held all the coins we had so we could not give her anything. He made me stop anyway and asked me to put him down. He took off the bandage that covered his eyes and placed it in her cup. Smiling with pride he extended his hand to me as I picked him up and put him on my back again.

            “Did I do good Graygor?”

            “Yes, yes you did little brother.” I did not have the heart to tell him that as we were walking away, the old lady took the bandage and used it to blow her nose. I guess she was thankful; she gained something to use to blow her nose.

            We entered father's shop where he maintained all his finished works. He sold frames, tables, chairs and fire wood to any villagers who requested them. When he had no requests, he would make his own creations and put them on display to see if anyone would buy them. Right now he was working on a rocking horse for another family in town. He asked if I would help him sand it down which I was more then willing to do so. Cameron was busy exploring the shop, crawling on all fours until he gently nudged against something. He would continue to explore the new found object by touching or smelling it. I continued sanding with father until the sun began to set. Sitting back in his chair he watched as I continued. I secretly wanted the horse as my own. Father never made anything like this for us, only the things mother said she needed. I paused to wipe some sweat from my head as he leaned forward and offered me his pipe.

            “Is this what you wanted boy? Cause this is all I do.”

            “Sir?”

            He sat back, withdrawing the pipe from me and shook his head. “Now you are going to act stupid. I see you looking down here. Hell. you're hard to miss coming from inside our house. The village is curious about you boy. Almost as curious as you are about them. Now you see it. Go explore it with him cause I am not bringing you down here anymore.”

            I nodded and went over to Cameron. He was laying under a table touching the bottom of it. I tried to smile but all I could think about was leaving the village. What did I do so wrong that father did not want to bring me back here anymore? Did I ruin the rocking horse?

            “Graygor is that you?”

            “Yeah it's me. Come on Cameron we are going to explore the village some more.”

            “Good, this place is boring. Everything feels the same.” He smiled as I touched his hand. I bent over and put his hand on my shoulder as he crawled. We walked out of fathers shop and into the village Noir only, something was different. Everyone had cleared the streets, silence swept over the village as I began to feel what Cameron was talking about prior to leaving fathers shop. As the sun set, the shadow from our house grew larger. I felt a chill rush through my body as I turned to go back into fathers shop. It had disappeared and in its place was just a plot of land that seemed untouched.

            “Gray, what's happening? What do you see?”

            “I..I see nothing. Everyone, everything is gone Cameron. The vendors, the rotten fruit and the lady are all gone.”

            Cameron whimpered as he held onto me tightly. “I want to go home Gray. Take me home.”

            “Alright Cameron, we will go home.” I took a deep breathe before venturing into the village Noir. Something had changed, the entrance of the village was now blocked by a forest. The only way to get home was through it.

            As I approached the forest, a loud shriek came from behind us. Cameron screamed as I turned to face what made the noise.

            “What is it Gray! What is it?”

            I couldn't answer. I didn't have the breathe to answer for before us was a black shadow. It's wings were spread as it slowly approached us. It had black feathers that fell with each step and as each one hit the ground, it turned into ink, leaving a trail. Its red eyes would not let my brother and me out of its sight and as it drew closer, I could see that it had the face of a human. The face was smirking  as it slowly extended a hand towards us. I could not move, my legs were locked at the knees. I felt Cameron squirming on my back trying to save him but I could not let him go. Finally, he found my ear and bit down hard.

            “Run Gray!”

            I shook my head and broke into a sprint into the forest. The creature let out a loud shriek that pierced our. I heard the flapping of its wings as it drew closer. Once again I began to run as Cameron's tears streamed down my neck, moistening my shirt. Finally, our house showed itself through the forest. I kept running, my breathing and focus on getting home blocked out the location of the creature. I knew I had to get Cameron home. I did not know what plans the creature might have for us.

            We made our final steps to the house when something caught my leg. I screamed and fell, looking back I saw the trail of ink behind us. The creature had followed us and now the ink was squeezing my leg, cutting off the circulation. I forced Cameron to let go of me and told him to run. He only stood their crying reaching out for me as the creature appeared above us. Realizing he would not move without me I cried for mother. When she did not respond to my cries I tried to break free. My leg was now purple, cold and no longer felt as if it was attached to my body.

            “Cameron come here! Follow my voice and come here!”

            Slowly, he began to crawl to me as the creature landed behind him. It began growling as I took my brothers hand in my grasp. The human face now was dripping with ink as it laughed slightly. With each step, the grass on our hill changed color, from green to brown. The ink dripped away revealing a males body. As he drew near I did not know what else to do. I cried and held my brother close to me, the creature would have to pry us from each others arms. When the creature was over over us, I made one final cry.

            “Father! Mother! Someone! Help us!” I felt Cameron shake in my arms as there was a scream from the forest. The creature gave the noise a quick glance before shrieking and leaning close to my brother and I. He began prying us apart, his wing pushing against me while his hands held Cameron. As the call from the forest grew louder, he seemed more and more determined. Finally, he took one of his black feathers from his shoulder and began scratching my face. I felt the warmth of my own blood trickle down my face as my grip on Cameron began to loosen. With one final shriek, he took off with my brother. The ink around my leg loosened as I stood and hobbled after them. The pain from my leg combined with the pain from the scars on my face slowed me down as I fell to the ground.

            I would saw my brother again. The creature that took my brother away that day was what the villagers called crows. I learned later that crows are death delivers. They go out like vultures and sniff out those who have died and deliver the news to the families, whether they have been hired to or not. Those who hire them also have the option of ordering them to kill another. Now, no one hired the crows to kill my brother. He just fit the qualifications. A weak male, missing his sight. They pick on those who do not fit their description of the mighty.

            A crow took my brother away from me that day. My father showed on this day a bit of affection and attention toward my brother and me. It was my father who was yelling in the forest, who stayed by my side until my wounds healed and it was him who taught me how to defend myself and told me the story of the crows. It would be the day my mother put aside her needs and focused on others. She cried less and fought more, no longer begging my father for things she did not need and watched over me like other mothers in the village of Noir.

            When I was of age, I left the house that sat upon the hill. I turned away from the village Noir and began my search, killing any crow I found on the way. I was 20 and looked just like my father. My skin was dry and scared from lifting wood to help him in his shop, I had his black hair though, I preferred to keep mine combed and not hidden by a hat. I even picked up his smoking habit, smoking as much as he does only with cigarettes instead of a pipe.

            During my journey, I met others who had lost those close to them to crows. It has been years since I returned to the village Noir. Who knew that the very reason I left would bring me and my comrades back. I know one thing is for sure, I vow to avenge my brother Cameron, and to destroy the village Noir.

Author's Note

I have two different versions of this section and was wondering if I went into too much detail with this section. Your comments would be most helpful :D

Reviews

[Dalebear]

This is really interesting, good write

[Erin]

You had a lot of grammar mistakes, but it was still readable. You started it very well, it kind of lost interest, and then it ended very well. You don't use contractions a lot, so I've noticed. But this is really good. I liked the description -- it was definitely enough, but not too much at the same time. Maybe in the middle did it have too much description (where I kinda lost interest) but it was really good overall. Nice job.
PBP

[Crow]

I did not review this for grammar, only for the read. I found your detail well thought out, adding to keeping the readers attention. Additionally, the details are what paint the verbal imagery in the readers imagination.

Great piece!

[Melody-Rose;]

This is really interesting, there were some grammatical errors though. Excellent write.

[Bard Constantine]

This definitely captured my attention. I like the originality of the story... it was something I haven't come across before, which is rare. There were some errors, but they were small enough not to jar the reading. That said, it would be good idea to go back over the story to identify and eliminate them. Otherwise, this was gripping reading; I look forward to more...

[Lilly]

Interesting write. A few grammatical errors though. Quite an engaging piece with good descriptions

[JC]

Spelling and grammatical errors aside, I enjoyed the read. As far as the amount of detail you used goes, it's always better (at least, in my opinion) to be generous with description when you're setting the groundwork than put too little. That way, if you need to reference an important event in your character's past later, you won't have to cut away from whatever's going on at the time to go into detail with it.
You've caught my interest; I'll be looking forward to reading the second chapter.

[Omar Fendri]

oh God ! oh God ! My only wish now is to see this story becoming a movie... The suspense was killing me from beginning to end and I don't know how I forbid myself from reading the end. It's fabulous. Please keep writing and let me know when you post the next chapter. The imagination's damn outstanding. The idea is breathtaking. I felt sorry for Cameron... really! Now i'm going to sleep and I think I'll dream about The Village Noir :) ( I love the tittle and I knew from reading the word Noir that something black and evil will happen in this town ... i love it

[Left this Sorry]

THis is amazing! I can see this as a book! Please continue!!