The Ugly Truth

I saw the car crash

That killed those kids 

Teenage boy

Teenage girl

Traveling at speeds of light and sound

Both heading different directions,

But both lye dying at one

The night was dark

And the sky was crying

They hit head on

The collision splinted the silence

Defied logic

And murdered two guilty lives

Broken glass and bent metal covered the pavement

Both cars strewn in different dirrections 

But both bodies lye motionless,

Together

Blood ran down the pavement with the rain

Fire illuminated the darkness

Bodies of part lovers lye in parish 

Rotting on both of their deathbeds 

Hospital lights defining the obvious truth:

Never fall in love

Daylight broke 

Only to see both chests fall 

But never rise again

Reviews

[Samuel Jack]

Very vivid poem, the best line for me was "Hospital lights defining the obvious truth: Never fall in love". opening up to love is terrfying because of this very reason, the fear of being emotionally scarred.

Technical notes-I think you've misspelled "Lie" and when you say "The collision splinted the silence" did you mean "splintered"? as a splint is what you use to hold broken limbs together, apt for the poem, but not the line it was used in.

sorry to nit pick, but other people on the site have got me in the habit, it can only make you a better poet.

Good stuff, well done.

[Speak in Silence]

Oh that's okay! I like when people notice things like that! Thank you btw (:

[Slug]

the last two stanzas are beautiful, I really liked
"Hospital lights defining the obvious truth:

Never fall in love"

because in the end, the pain of having loved and known you could not love again after death must be unreal.. very nice

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful and sad poem. Your strong description create visions of sadness and destruction. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote

[Panda11598]

"Hospital lights defining the obvious truth:
Never fall in love"

^^Those two lines were so incredibly powering and I was really able to take in the beauty of this. Now onto the last three lines of yours :)

"Daylight broke
Only to see both chests fall
But never rise again"

^^Gave me chills! I NEVER get chills reading something!

Anyways... Amazing job! I really wish I could give this a 1000/100 but I'll have to give it a 100/100

[Speak in Silence]

Awe, thank you so so much! I'm super glad you enjoyed it!

[Simon Welsh]

Damn... those last three lines.

[Graveyardfuck]

This is sad and beautiful. Great write. 100/100

[Myenigma]

I get the idea behind this, the description is nice (The crash) but i think a lil more information would make it better (like a line explaning why their guilty, or more on their love that brought to their dismiss)

[Speak in Silence]

I had A LOT of detail in it but I was typing and it all got deleted and I just re-wrote what I could remember

[Myenigma]

aw, yea it happens.

[Fréyjä Helv..]

Well the flow was bearable sorta jagged, the concept was descriptive and somehow profound. It did remind me of a song of Cannibal Corpse.

[Speak in Silence]

Ah, which song?

[Fréyjä Helvití]

shredded humans...