This Ravaged Hell

More words from the bad old past…

This Ravaged Hell

On my own…

Alone…

Left to wander…

In this ravaged hell… 

Abandoned…

No hope…

Left only pain…

In shadowed hollows…

No safe place…

Evil…

In the anger…

Of her baleful eye…

Beat… beating…

Lashing…

Again… again…

Never a reprieve

I can’t breathe…

Stifled…

Choking wimp…

Will this ever end?

Where’s refuge?

Haven?

Not in my home…

There is only mom.

by D. Denise Dianaty

Reviews

[Crowley]

The things that make great poets, writers and actors are the most damnable things this life can throw at us at times. From that pile of utter s**t comes words that rise up and tell a story of strength and understanding, a poultice for those who can identify and shelter for those still experiencing. Keep; pushing those words out of the shitpile...you are awesome. Great feeling to that pic by the way, it tells a thousand stories itself.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you so much for your fulsome praise. I do hope my words help someone, bolster them through the moment.

Thanks for your compliment on my photo. I'm deeply drawn to such abandoned spaces. I especially like the abandoned rural places for the dichotomy of the decay of man's artifice being reclaimed by nature.

[Robert Trakofler]

I know these feelings all too well dear Denise

[MomzillaNC]

I'm sorry to hear that. I would wish such pain on no one EVER. Thanks so much.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

It is good to get those demons from the past into words. Let them fly and relieve yourself.

[MomzillaNC]

For most of every year, my words and art were all the haven I had. Those things are what kept me san, helped me survive until my yearly respite… summers with my Gran and my grandpa Jack.

[KeeD]

This reels you in and builds up the suspense of the root cause of such dread. The end crushes you like the earth above a coffin, all the light and hope of what life is supposed to be fades away. A mother means everything and your poem sucked away the oxygen of what a mother means to me. Which is scary but it's a reality and that is why I give you props, you brought a monster to life. Great stuff.

[MomzillaNC]

Thanks. I wish it was fiction.

[KeeD]

I'm sorry to learn it is not, and I am proud of you for overcoming such a demon and demons associated with the memories and becoming who you are today, an inspirational voice for those who seek out help in similar predicaments! Glory to your story, here's to a soldier fighting a different kind of war.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. I’m honored by your perspective.

[therisa]

Reading this poem, brought back, more memories about my own abusive relationship, with my family, than I care to remember. Nowhere was safe, from my brother, except, away from the house, and my abetting mom. Am grateful, you have left this Hell, behind you, but a terrible cost. Thank you, for sharing this very personal part of your past, with us.

[MomzillaNC]

Worse for me was that when I did reach out, I found worse than my mom doled out. That I have the life I live now is a gift. That I didn't end it all before I got here -- miraculous.

[therisa]

I understand, Momzilla, having been there, in that spot, myself.

[MomzillaNC]

God moved me far beyond that tragedy. It's distant enough now to almost be like it happened to someone else.

[therisa]

We're, the lucky ones.

[MomzillaNC]

Something else for the gratitude list.

[Briana O'Connor]

I get a sense that there was an abusive house hold within the narrators past. This poem expressed the hell that it is and was relatable. The emotions were palpable and imagery was vivid. Thank you for sharing.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. And, yes, things were bad. Several of my poems on here are even more stark, sometimes downright frightening. But, for every hurt I suffered, the life I live now has given me innumerable joys, "pressed down, shaken together, and overflowing."

[Lyn Anderson]

This is extremely powerful. I know why you chose that font, but I would almost make it a more muted font to heighten its impact, if you know what I mean. A wonderful poem, despite, but more likely, because of, its tragic origins.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you. "Walking" is even more visceral; though, it was written recently about an incident that happened all those long years ago.

[kublakhan27]

Your bad old past and my bad old past seem to have some parallels...it's hard to know how to review this kind of piece in specific terms...I can only say that this one resonated with me, deeply, and I'm glad that you're in a better place now...it takes the most courageous of writers to share these sentiments...well done M :)

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you.

[kublakhan27]

You're welcome.

[DIVYA]

That you survived the hell and emerged to write these words today means something. It is the saddest thing when a childhood is ravaged by the flaws of an adult. Under any circumstances, it is unforgivable. Somewhere a system failed. A mother was unfit to rear her children. She needed help. That help should have come in time...for you to see that sunshine you mentioned here.

A very profound and touching write that expresses the trauma totally. The concluding lines said it all.

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you very much. I sincerely hope moms everywhere get the help they need to overcome post-partem depression (or, in my mother's case, post-partem psychotic break). No child should lose their mother to that.

[DIVYA]

I agree. It can be overcome with timely and correct diagnosis, adequate treatment and support to the mother and more so her kids. I hope you have a wonderful life to make up for what you missed in your childhood.

[MomzillaNC]

Thankfully, I now have a life of love and joy. For every black indignity I suffered then, I've been blessed with matchless joys. A tremendous human being befriended me and led me out of the shadows… She never let me stop… never left me to struggle alone… Sometimes, she pushed… sometimes she stood aside and cheered… sometimes she wept with me… sometimes, she carried me. She never stopped until she led me back into the light. She helped me learn how to be the person I was meant to be… to become the person my husband fell in love with. She even led me back to Faith. My poem, "Monsters," is a rather inadequate attempt to set that journey to words.

[DIVYA]

Its great to know you are so happy now. It proves the world is full of angels. Faith and hope.

[MomzillaNC]

Absolutely. When I think how I didn't want to go on in those dark times… the miracles I would have missed… Sigh. I'm just so incredibly thankful to be here and now.

[DIVYA]

Keep smiling....

[MomzillaNC]

… and keep writing.

[Rene Salinas]

I would have equated this to some kind of ailment. I died only for a few seconds though, ha! just a few right? My Mom never let it go thought. Don't you ever take aspirin. It persecuted me, still does when I go to the GP and he asks that routine question .Any known allergies ? I casually say Aspirin I think very frivolously. But from My Mom's perspective it was a living nightmare.

Fitting then:

Once more into the fray
Into the last good fight I'll ever know
Live and die on this day
Live and die on this day

We all have to go at some point!

[MomzillaNC]

Thank you for your review.