Untitled.

Incomplete. I suppose it's a poem. It rhymes, kind of. The syllables, however, are not very uniform. It needs work, and I am always open to criticisms, constructive or not.

Though an army may encamp at my gates,

Throwing their weight against my weakened walls,

In this, my final hour, I will proudly accept this fate.

Wounded, disarmed, and alone, I stand fearless and tall.

The mask of a warrior covers a face broken in defeat,

And will stay, unmoved, as I wait out this bitter finale.

When all of my company turned on me in retreat,

I stood firm to suffer the spoils of my own great folly.

When I broke this kingdoms walls, I felt no regret,

And when I built them back up, I knew their purpose.

They alone stood between us and death,

And now, I will pay in blood for their service.

Reviews

[SmileOfARebel]

I like the theme and how most of the poem rhymes. :) My favorite part happens to be the last couple of lines: "When I broke this kingdoms walls, I felt no regret, And when i built them back up, I knew their purpose. They alone stood between us and death, And now, i will pay in blood for their service." Those lines alone hold greater meaning throughout the other lines of the poem for me to be honest. I like it.

[Haz]

Sod the syllables. At least in my opinion.

I think you hit your stride with the first two lines of your last stanza, I wish you'd kept writing, I felt like you were about to break into something vast and stopped short of it. Your narrative voice seems really natural, all good stuff.

[Monstrositee]

Thanks :)

[..]

like & enjoyed the flow and rhyme scheme.
Amazing writing skills

["jens books".]

nice work