My saviour lives with me...

I used to commute two hours, each way, to work. I wrote this driving into work one day. I guess the carbon monoxide fumes got to me. At least it's sincere.

I gave myself over to a dream
That was taken away from me
I planned my entire future
Around the things I thought I'd be
 
Never finding anything
And always falling short
Accepting what I couldn't have
Became my only resort

And now I find that God is all around
The dreams are all I see
I have more than I deserve
And my saviour lives with me
 

She's everything I didn't know I need
My heart inside has grown
The fantasies are real
And my saviour's love is home

Life can be a gamble
That strips your mind cold bare
While my body falls apart
And I'm losing all my hair

I can't ignore the fear
I feel down deep inside
My heart can't take the panic
And it's injuring my pride

But now I know that God is watching
And He's given me my dreams
I have more than I could hope for
Because my saviour lives with me

 

She's the better part of me
Because together we are strong
Just when my search seemed hopeless
She was my saviour all along

Author's Note

This one definitely needs work. Formatting okay? What phrases or words need to be changed?

Reviews

[James K. Blaylock]

I'm not one for telling others what to change or anything... I'm just here to enjoy. And I greatly enjoyed this piece, man.

jkb

[Solst Rapture]

Does it? I thought it was sensitive and delightful. The formatting seemed precise. If I had to choose something, I'd be:

>That was taken away from me [But it was taken away from me]
>And now I find that God is all around [And now I find God is all around]
>And my saviour lives with me [my Saviour live within me]

Just ideas. The moral, if it's called that, is very clear. See what you have, rationalize with what you need. Appreciate your lot.

This is good. I like the format it works well. I had a problem with the fourth stanza. It just seemed kind of choppy to me. I got what you were saying. That was the only problem I say. But then again, it could just be me. I love your work and I think this is pretty good.