Everything is okey, my girl

we always need someone to tell us "you are fine".

He would always tell me it is okey not to be okey, you are just fine…

I was always wondering why we need someone else to tell us what we already know. All the thoughts and sorrows we know will be gone by the time. At times we feel so much down like the earth stops existing and you are left alone with your own misery. He would tell me “my girl, life is not a bed of roses, wake up and look around, everyone struggles and goes through their own challenges, you are not alone”. The wonder was that I perfectly understood it by myself, but I let him teach me, guide me lead me. He would always be there by my side. As we would walk in a sunny day holding hands keeping silence and each of us having  own thoughts, I would look up onto him and would ask “what are you thinking about”. Not a single time he told me his real thoughts, neither did I… but we knew the day will come soon, the day when I should be ok on my own, for he can’t be with me forever…

He would always tell me “no one is perfect”. When I confessed my misery to him he would hug me and make me feel a better person, times when I hated myself, times of frustration, failure and sadness, he would always tell me “it’s ok”. After all this time I keep on wondering was it really ok?  Whenever I would look into his eyes I would see nothing but a strong confidence and belief in what he was saying. Holding his hands and feeling his fingers between mine, he would always warm up my cold hands with his breathe, holding them close to his mouth half kissing and blowing warm air on them, staring at me, seeing the worry on my face still saying “it is ok my girl, it is ok”.

I got used to it so badly. Now in lonely nights when the feeling of misery overwhelms me I need him too tell me “it is ok”. So I keep whispering to myself, I try to imagine him near, I try to feel his hands in mine, his eyes in my eyes and his voice in my ears, so calm and smoothing…. “Don’t worry my girl, everything is ok”.  

But all I can remember is him in this hospital room, eyes closed, wires in his veins and heartbeats on the screen getting slower and slower… Opening his eyes looking at me for the last time unable to speak, I read in his eyes a smile “It is okey not to be okey, my girl, we will meet, we always wait for each other….”