Writers Cafe Exposé

A piece of fiction originally presented as social commentary and undefined as to fact or fiction. My error in so presenting. FICTIONAL but based on real life.

NOTE TO READER  The following story is a revision of an earlier version of this same piece.

The other day, at the request of a fellow journalist I wrote and posted a story on a writer’s website called The Writer’s Cafe.  This is a site managed by and for professional and amateur writers, who post their works of poems, prose or stories for other writers to read and then review.  It is a pretty terrific little site.  There are some very talented writers there, and it appears to be a tight knit community where people are free to express themselves, and try their hand at new artistic endeavors.  This was my personal impression of the site after having spent a couple of days interacting with it and the writers I found there.  It appears, however, that all may not be as it seems at the Writer’s Cafe (http://www.writerscafe.org).  Immediately after posting my first piece of work, I learned that there are other dramas being played out while writers write, read and review one another.

I was quite disturbed by what I learned.  Over the course of just a few hours, a dark picture of predator and victim began to emerge.  My work of fiction was about women who found themselves in bad relationships.  Within an hour of my posting, I was contacted by several women wanting to share their own, very real, experiences which were shockingly similar to the piece that I had written.  More women came forward as the night went on.  All in all, I spoke with ten different women.  Eight of them appeared to have similar experiences with one man on this site.

My story called Stupid Chicks was a first person narrative, and was entirely fictitious.  Most fiction is usually based partially in reality in its origin or interpretation.  Such is the case for my piece.  It was through my observation of some of life’s perpetual romantic dramas that this piece was inspired.  The story is posted for all to read and I would suggest that it be read as a follow-up to this story.  For the sake of expediency, however, I will summarize:  The story is a satirical piece, told in first person by a woman who was taken in by the kind words of a man who was seemingly too good to be true.  She finds out, too late she’s been duped and lumps herself in with other women who are, she believes, smart like her.  She calls these women “Stupid Chicks” and she goes on to expound on how seemingly smart women can be taken in by a man. The story is essentially one woman’s brief time as a Stupid Chick.

The eight women who had an experience with the same writer had identical stories.  This man seemingly targets smart attractive female writers, contacts them relentlessly employing much charm, and then throws out feelings of love and romantic promise, and lures them into  a cyber relationship.  What is interesting to note is there was not one instance in which any woman could prove this man’s actions and intentions were anything other than benign.  He is a talented writer who writes in a highly allegorical and veiled manner.  His chosen method of flattery is inference and he never fully states his intention outright, rather simply draws the reader down a path cleverly painted in words and illustration. 

Just as in my story, when these women wanted to move the relationship forward, this man became evasive and distant.  He removed himself emotionally, never addressing their questions directly.  In all cases, when pressed, his man became defensive and claimed that the women were acting irrationally.  He would act as if dumbfounded by their behavior.  

The final similarity I found between all of these cases is that this man seemed to be carrying on multiple relationships with several women on this site.  When asked why they thought this, all claimed there were many instances of inflammatory public comment posted to his site profile by other women.  All claims he adamantly denied.

At first, and not at all in keeping with the requirements of journalistic integrity, I found myself becoming disgusted with these women.  However, as several more of them came forward, I begin to see they were simply victims of a smart and cunning predator; a man who preyed upon the innermost sensitivities of vulnerable women.  If the women were not vulnerable when he found them, he worked at it until they became vulnerable.  I found these eight women were not, as my story claims, Stupid Chicks.  All but one hold multiple degrees in varying scholastic disciplines.  All are accomplished writers, and all but one is firmly established in an outside career.  Interestingly, all of the women are mothers, which is something they say this man claims is very close to his heart.

After gathering all the information available, I was able to define this man's target demographic:   Pretty, smart educated female writers in their late 30’s to early 50’s with children.  This information pretty much confirmed my suspicions.  I had found a predatory individual who seduces women, evoking emotional attachmen, then discardingtherm.  All of this happening on the WritersCafe site.  I stop short of using the term stalker as that is not precisely what this indicidual engages in, rather it is a means of exploitation.

Thankfully, in all cases, these relationships never got past the e-mail or electronic stage.  These women were never asked for money, or to do anything illegal.  Several of these women claim he stated to have known women on the site who were a bit mentally unstable and seemed concerned regarding any correspondence with these women.  He warned these women that they may hear inflammatory things about him given the current mental state if said women. 

I contacted an expert in this type of compulsive anti-social behavior, and asked him why a person would act this way.  I learned that this man is an apparent “New Relationship High” Junkie (NRHJ).   An NRHJ must continually experience the rush of sexual tension that comes during the first few weeks of a relationship.  He further stated that the actual shelf life of a relationship with someone having this disorder is typically four to six weeks.  After this, he claims, an afflicted person’s interest will wane.  He will continue to communicate, but not with the original degree of intensity.  In fact, he will usually allow these women to hang on indefinitely.  Our expert said this type of person enjoys having multiple women seeking his attention.  In no case, our expert stated, will said individual end a relationship outright, but rather practice avoidance by not addressing anything directly.  When the female ultimately objects to this, he will likely blame the woman for misunderstanding him, will pull back completely, and begin to speak in only the most vague and generic terms.  If pushed, this person will eventually suggest that the woman is mentally unstable.  This is when all but one of these women took their leave of this non-relationship.  Sadly one woman I spoke with did not see that this was a problem, and intends to stay connected to this man.


It would appear that we have a victimless crime occurring. We have women who are willingly seduced by a perpetrator whose only crimes are not stating his intentions, and keeping them strung along in a relationship bound for nowhere.  The bottom line is there is nothing illegal going on.  In fact, this man is fully protected by his First Amendment rights.  As there is no malice which can be proven and nothing illegal taking place, this man is free to continue to take advantage of unsuspecting women for as long as he wishes.


In my line of work, I find cases like this frustrating.  I have found, however, education to be the first deterrent to any crime.  Therefore, I decided to write this article in hopes of warning the women on the Writer’s Cafe site about this predator and his methods.

I have been advised by our experts that after this article airs, this man will likely feel caged and will disappear or change his identity.   When last we checked, this man had, in fact, shut down his profile. He did not respond to any requests by our staff.   It is expected that he will eventually return to this same site, but only after this story has died down, and under another assumed moniker.

Ladies, keep an eye out!  Trust your instincts on this one.  If a man from this site approaches you looking for some type of relationship, ask him to take it offline. If he won’t, it is more likely his only intent is to take you for a long ride on a broken down horse.

Reviews

[EMF]

Lady... this is a stunning journalistic piece. A sheer perfection in its delivery and should give many of the gentlemen, and ladies on this site, the chance to consider their own actions. Thank you so much for posting this. It calls into question the true nature of the use for Writers Cafe. And... some of us need to take a damn hard look at their actions and relationships.

[Written Volumes]

Wow! Quite an interesting piece! I didn't even know that the drama was even on this site. I guessed, it is everywhere no matter where you go. But I didn't think it would eventually pop on here on this site. Like, who knew?

Anyways, I got away from other writing sites for that same reason. I can't stand drama. So, I thought, coming here would ease that. Read and write (which is both that I love to do.), and relax with a cup of coffee and kick back while being on this site.

[Bill]

Holy moly. Reading this piece and reading the comments below was a lot like being unable to avert my eyes while driving past a gruesome auto accident.

I've been on WC for a very short time. I've been stunned by two things:

1. I had no earthly idea that there were 2 billion aspiring poets in this world.
2. Until reading this piece and another of yours on a similar subject, I had no idea such drama could exist. I must sound hopelessly naive, but I've never been an avid user of social media. It all makes sense, I just hadn't imagined it before signing up here.

It's a well-written piece, I'm just sad that you had to write it.

[Newspaper Skeleton]

Very well written piece.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Thank you so much!

[Onyia-ota, Kingsley chu..]

The truth is that you have done something good for every Ladies and Gentlemen in this cafe. Well done

[Ken Simm.]

Having read your well written article and understood it fictional nature; I also read the comments below. I find an awful lot of interesting points made here; some points that will do a lot of good if taken to heart and others that seem simply vituperous.
I am told that NRHJ is an increasingly common phenomena especially since a one reviwer states you can be exactly what you wish to be on this here internet. I am also told it is not gender specific. This I think is an important point to keep in mind.

My view, relationships of any kind require a degree of honour from both parties otherwise they are on a hiding to nothing from the very outset. This of course is wishful thinking on my part as it will never happen. Especially when you can play act to your hearts content on this and other sites. But it does not stop me wishing.
There are people who wish to use this site as it was intended and create creative friendships with like minded people. Discuss writng and review in a fair and honest manner, expecting the same in return. If we all could be like that, this site would be perfect. Unfortunately it is not. Suffice it to say, behaving with honour, realizing there are vunerable people, not just women, on here and treating others as you would be treated is a pipe dream but one that we should still attempt to strive for nonetheless.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Nicely stated and thank you for wrapping that up in a very clear and concise manner. Agreed absolutely. Thanks for the review and the read of our conversation down there. Just met John down there. Am quite impressed by his intelligence and enjoyed that conversation. Thanks again Ken.

[Ken Simm.]

I too read those comments with interest. The battle that rages between the sexes would lose a lot of ground if only it were realized that men are as bad as women and women are as bad as men. There seems to be an inherent wish to hurt in the battle that is normally called relationships. Of whatever flavour. Mind you, I suppose there is a case for saying something about cookies and them falling apart inevitably creating progress.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

That is true and is a given. Never meant to state it otherwise. It is just that there is only so much ink and I don't feel the need to must present both sides. There are many writers in the world who could present something like this. The story was based in fact and was written for that reason. Had nothing to do with the fact that this was a male person. If it was a horse, I would have depicted it that way. But it was not a horse. It was a male. And the fact is, there is a plethora of stories like this involving males all over. If a female perp xes my path, I promise, I'll write on it.

[Ken Simm.]

I suppose the point I most wish to make is that if one side of a relationship acts with honour and another does not then the end is inevitable. I agree that women are the most commonly battered, treated with disrespect, faced with violence etc. And the fact that there are other women who are prepared to stand up and say this is not right is good. (That sounds very weedy on reading back). But men who suffer in relationships both pyschological and physical do not often mention it for sake of seeming weak. Perhaps the honourable person does not see that reacting to abuse is honourable. Perhaps that women may talk about problems men will not is the crux of the problem. I fully understand your points about horses. My point is that although both sexes suffer from the most awful abuse, perhaps they react differently and not always in the best way to stop the abuse.
There once was a poster campaign in my home city that said 'Zero tolerance to violence against women'. This was an official campaign run by the sity council. This made me extremly angry and frustrated. (From personal experience)

[Ken Simm.]

I rant now and I apologise that is something I try not to do whenever possible. Especially to the converted.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

You can rant..... It is allowed. You are respectful in it and that is all I ask.

[John McFadyen]

Well having had similar experiences with women I find your part is simply sexually biased and unscientific. Try being more balenced in your journalistic prowess. Go test out the women with borderline personality disorder on this site. Don't forget the frustrated married women who seek a thrill to keep them from slipping into mid life torpor. They are harmeless and like many enjoy the banter but it goes no further than flirting. There are many people who simply enjoy peoples stories. There are also those who have a mix of experiences and emotions; they chose to have a flirtacious experience with the guys they are attracted to but it styas firmly there with no harm done. So what? there IS talent on this site do not deconstruct it in your own misguided whitch hunt!

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Because you speak to the writing and others have posted opinions on the subject I will allow this review to stand however please know I am a big proponent of respectful review protocol and this is borderline at best. The last line especially which speaks not to the writing, but to my character. Sir you are not aware of what research went into this piece. Further this is a peer site where we ty and experiment. This is not a piece for public consumption. Aside from all that I appreciate your time and that you came by to review. I do question why it is this one piece you.review and not anything newer, but I will not make assumptions about your intent. Thank you is where i leave it.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

A month or so ago, I posted a write regarding being respectful in the review process. I post the link to it here once more. Though it speaks more to a writer who does not like a review, the general theme of the piece is to adhere to the principal of respect in the review. http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/MrsLowrey/999627/

[John McFadyen]

I did notice you ignored the important point I made and chose to major on my final comment which was passionate and not intended to be a direct assassination of you in person. I have strong feelings about the misuse of jounalism and the written word and I resent (as a man you might expect it) people who lump groups into a category be is gender, colour, race etc and then discredit everyone in that group. In any case the point I made was that there are also women on this site who commit similar misdemenours. In addittion there is the low level banter and the flirting and so long as none of it spills into the domain you rightly oppose I see no harm in it. And before anyone gets into the he's rationalising mode. Just take a look around the site. As I have said in the private message you kindly sent me I will support your approach to taking a stance against on-line abuse as I run a writer's site in the UK and I have set the rules on reviews and theur nature. Here in the UK to be called Sir is an honour and makes me a knight of the realm (that is a poor joke before I get attacked again).

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

I did not attack you at all here. Merely pointed out where I took issue. Believe I thanked you for your review. Again, thank you. Appreciate the thought and time put into it and will take you at your word that your statements were to the piece not the writer. Again, appreciated. (Aside: Sir in the US is implies a high level of respect) and since I am in the US... Strong opinions stated respectfully are perhaps the best kind.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

As to there being similar female offenders.. I have no doubt. My interest,a however was in what I wrote. I do have a collaboration in the works for a he said/she said piece. That one is more balanced. This piece, however is a totally and completely female POV... not at all inappropriate for subject matter, and in fact allowed ... Legislated in fact... by the US constitution. Roundabout way of saying I disagree with you. My write, therefor my opinion, carries more weight. But... Respectfully... Thank you.

[John McFadyen]

Whoa! Nah you can't pull rank under the guise of US legislation. What about equal oportunities, proportinality (which underpins all legislation) and fairness in a piece. Anyway I am pleased tou are penning a more balenced work. I never once said this was not a good bit of journalism I merely hinted it to be biased and seemingly a bit of a femanist rant? So thank you for your indulgence and for having a healthy debate on the subject. That I do respect. Happy days. Oh and I took the Sir to be sarcasm but perhaps that is a quirk of the internet not being able at times to demonstrate inflection, tone and intention?

[John McFadyen]

Typos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Laughing. Points taken and thank you for the back and forth. Appreciated on my end too. Yeah - nailed it on pulling out US Legislation. But you are from England and it always makes me laugh to do that to you original American's over there. Thanks again.

[John McFadyen]

Making you laugh is good!

[SHEEMA HUQ]

Your approach is both responsible, comforting adn rather inspiring, a very well written, thoughtful, considered, serious and sincere article.

[leighgreen]

I suppose this leads on to the next question, is Writers Cafe a Social Networking Site? and the answer in my opinion must, by its very nature be 'Yes'. Very interseting piece, thanks for this one

[Raven Starhawk]

Honestly I found this intriguing to say the least. I think that women are generally much more trusting. I don't know if said author mentioned in this is the same one whom I have encountered or not, but I too have been victim to a man playing with women while having many relationships at one time. I think at some point every woman has been on this end where a man showers her with attention and admiration and then slowly drifts away. I did some digging and the man I am referring to have a girlfriend in "real" life but he always says their relationship isn't working out. o.O I think, no, I know it is a lie because from all that I have gathered they have a "good" bond, but yet he soils it by carrying on with girls online, asking them to send pictures of their b***s. And then when he stops communicating with them...like in my case, I wonder what I did wrong. I ask him about it and it was always a short answer followed by days of ignoring and never answering my calls or texts. I even told him all I want is friendship and even when he did not reply to that I assumed it was over and he wanted nothing to do with me. So I completely erased him out of my life. Then one day someone told me he wrote something on Facebook about me...something like "assuming something only makes you look like a a*s" but what the hell was I supposed to think?! My point is he played me, probably has played many women and then when he is caught or whatever he acts like he is all innocent.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

The individual depicted is painted as a "fictional" character in the revision of this piece. To that, your own Perp. sounds as if he could fit in the clothing of the man in the piece. I have spoken with many offline who have similar stories. All that to say, though the fictional character cannot be your guy, there are many who embody his character, on networking sites everwhere. That is why I believe this story has so much social relevance. It stopped being about an individual when the final revisions were made, and rather started speaking to a phenomenon which we all now see more of with the advent of social relations of an "electronic" nature. Thank you reviewer.

[MOON]

This is a well written and thought provoking write .I have been on this site since the middle of March , I am fairly new to the site. It’s the first time I have been on a social networking site. I love the interaction with writers. I have noticed through reviewing and comments that there is a whole lot more going on. Mostly flirting, this is not gender specific.
The supposed anonymity of the Internet lends itself to all kinds of problems. Basically you can be anyone you want to be on the site. you can post a beautiful or handsome picture , you can lie about your age , you don’t smell have eye contact , loose your temper and well if you write well , you “ IT”.
This is all very seductive with no face to face contact; I myself find I am bolder than I would usually be. if you are older or mature enough most of it is pretty harmless, what worries me though is there are a lot of youngsters on this site as well as people with various physical and mental challenges, an article like this is important in alerting and cautioning how to interact online; how much private information is shared and how vulnerable all of us can be in the online environment.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Thank you for your comments. I do ask that all keep in mind that one act or one individual does not define a community, but as the Jackson 5 said, "One bad apple can spoil the whole bunch girl". Let us not allow that to happen here, rather let us honor that which is good in the rest of us. I have found there to be an immeasurable amount of integrity and talent on this site. Thank you Moon for your comments.. and agreed - we must employ diligence and model behavior which is appropriate for the younger crowd here.