Back to My Prison of Fear

Just one of my rants. Not a poem really

I can't be perfect all the time.

In fact, I can't be perfect at all.

Yet, you always expect me to be that perfect little angel you wish I was.

Just because I'm not saying anything,

Doesn't mean I'm thinking up a lie.

I'm quiet because I know just how mad you get when just the right words aren't said.

I'm not the daughter you think I should be.

I make mistakes, but they will only help me learn.

I may not always tell the truth,

But that doesn't make me bad.

I may be 18, but I'm not an adult,

But I am definitely no child either. 
I'm more than capable of knowing right from wrong,

But I won't always choose what's right in your eyes.

Instead, I will choose what I believe is best for me, not for you,

and I will deal with the consequences myself.

I'm sick of living in fear of your disappointment,

But I know I may never leave your grasp.

I can try to live my own life,

But you will always find a way to pull be back in.

Back to my prison of fear.

The fear of your disappointment.

Your disapproval.

Your knowledge and your anger.

The fear of you.

Nothing I do is ever just right.

Always, something is wrong, 

Out of place, or askew.

You criticize without any disguise.

Your anger flows all too freely.

When I will finally find the courage to escape your clutch, I may never know.

I just pray it is soon.

For, my patience is soon running thin.

You're controlling and manipulative,

And you cease to listen if things aren't going your way.

You make assumptions without explanation.

Then let what you assume become fact,

Never pausing to check your answers.

Nothing is ever alright with you

Unless it was thought up by you.

Reviews

[Jack Isaac]

Hey, you stole my words to my mom! :) And even at my age, I say to her: "I'm sick of living in fear of your disappointment." --oh well, disappointment never killed anyone! Poor mom will just have to lump it. But I do love my mom and still want her to be proud of me, so to this day I've never told her I write poetry. Ha Ha! Aside from that, I really like this poem ---Well done!

[EMMIE]

RIGHT. I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY SOMETIMES. NOTHING I DO SEEMS TO BE RIGHT OR ENOUGH. SO YOU KNOW WHAT I TOLD MYSELF? I TOLD ME THAT I AM GOING TO STOP TRYING TO PLEASE EVERY DAMN BODY IN MY FAMILY, FRIENDS, EMPLOYERS, THE WORLD IN GENERAL. I HAVE TO START LIVING FOR MYSELF NOT FOR WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE WANTS ME TO LIVE FOR. GREAT POEM.

[Manpreet]

This one woke me up!!! I am looking carefully on the grounds that I am holding onto through your poem and could filter out where I need to pay more attention in my life. I am grateful to you for writing this poem. This is one of the most genuine and true work!!

[The Shadow of the Dawn]

very well writen but i think the you mean angel and have put angle

[Dove]

Amazing! you expressed your feelings very well and I feel like the very first stanza I can relate to, because people always want me to be perfect and they dont understand me when I say I will never be perfect. Beautiful poem.

[~Sarah~ Idríel T..]

Oh awesome job!

[Mike Winegar]

It's really difficult to live up to the expectations of someone who "knows it all" and knows how to live your life better than you. This is a good expression of the emotional turmoil caused by a controlling person.