LOVE KILLER

We all lose love at some point. But her sister soon follows and lies us to submission

I killed Love today,

Stuck a knife deep in her chest.

Watched the life seep slowly from her,

As her head laid down to rest.

 

I killed Love today,

She didn’t scream or even struggle.

Sadly looked into my eyes,

As if it was something casual.

 

I killed Love today,

Wept openly at her grave.

Shoveled dirt onto her corpse,

And the heart to me she gave.

 

I killed Love today,

Buried her deeper and deeper.

Her gravestone was still warm,

When arrived Lust, her sister.

 

Luckily I met Lust today,

She returned fireworks to my life.

I’ve forgotten all about the late Love,

You’d too, if she was your wife.   

-M.Babu-

Author's Note

I think this speaks for itself. I tried to be loose with this piece and I found it quite fun. Silly? Nice? Predictable? Streamlined? Broken flow?...Please...Your thoughts are welcome.

Reviews

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

haha!great poem! yes,love is a painful, kamikaze state to be in, and im sure everyone who's been broken-hearted - which is to say,everyone - was cheering you on as you twisted the knife! her sister is really hot too, though not as fulfilling... ;)
great imagery, and the sophistication of your metaphors keeps getting greater with every piece...this is stellar stuff bro, straight into the favourites!

[YouoweYoupay]

My thoughts are that this poem struck me. SERIOUSLY! AMAZING USE OF METAPHORS AND SYMBOLS! LUST AND LOVE. BRILLIANT. MICHAEL I LOVE YOUR POEM AND I THINK IT WAS SCRIBBLED PROFESSIONALLY. This sad, treacherous atmpshpere floating in thin cold air neevr failed to pull me in. 100. But I would think of a better title.

[Just Brooke]

HAHA! I loved it! amazing! I love your repetition and pattern and construction. =] This poem made me laugh. Thank you. Very neat write!

[Murtuza]

I simply love reading your poems Michael, 'cause I never know what I'm in for. Another fantastic write from a fantastic writer! Great job with the dark atmosphere that you've created surrounding the death of 'love'. Truly an exceptional piece!

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

lol I liked this it was good and I loved the imagery this invoked and the structure was great nicely done

[A Risen Heroine.]

This is really good!
Great job :D
Keep Up The Good Work!

~A Fallen Heroine~

[Knoxxeh]

I like the third stanza it has great flow into and so does the rest of the poem just the thirds my favirote part good work

[Thea Fuentebella]

oh loved it! seriously! a different poem, this one. very imaginative. something that would make people think "why didn't i think of this darn it" (now that's what i'm thinking haha.
you inspire me
thanks for sharing :)
100/100

[jon cass]

last stanza is wicked.
i'm a fan, mano.
well done.

[David Lewis Paget]

A few grammatical points... As her head 'lay' down to rest. (We say somebody 'was laid' to rest, or 'was lain'). V2 line 4 - As if 'death' was something casual. It needs to be more specific - 'it' doesn't do it for me. V3 Line 4 - 'As her' heart... (Though to avoid three 'hers' in a row you could use 'the' corpse in the previous line). V4 Line 2 - Buried her deep to resist her - (or something similar so that when 'sister' comes along two lines later, it doesn't look out of place.
The last verse is, of course, tongue in cheek, but effective. You'd would read better inthe full version, 'You would'.
On the whole a good idea, and with a bit of work could stand out.