Daddy's Little Girl

Intorduction to my characters!

                                      "Whoooo!" A guy yelled at his buddy as,he laughed happily before throwing his friend a football. His friend ran quickley to grabb the ball. His friend caught the ball, as he fell into the pool. " Dude? Are you okay?" The guy asked as he, looked at his, friend coming up from the water.

  "Score! I caught it!!"Laughed his friend whom was smiling from ear to ear, not caring that he, was all wet from falling into the pool. People were every where at the Welton Manshion. People were swimming, in the pool, and dancing to the live DJ. Sondra Welton's, pretty blue eyes gazed happily over her party. She was so glad that it was a great success!

    "Happy Birthday, too me!" She laughed to herself. Her parents were away for thier vaction. Her father said no parties. She had been spending too much money latley, so he had banned parties. But when the parents were away,the childern would play!!

       "Sondra! You sure know how to throw a party, girl!" Her best friend Maggie French said as she, gave her best friend a great big hug. Both Maggie, and Sondra had grown up to be poupluar, and rich in Beverly Hills, CA.

        "It's an early birthday gift, too me, from me! I always knew what, I wanted!!" Giggled Sondra. The DJ, played the list of all her favorite songs. He was only to play what ,she wanted! After all it was her party! Her Daddy, had paied for it!! She and Maggie, began to dance to the new Justin Timberlake song.

          "Heck! I want one of these for my birthday! You sure throw a great party!" Maggie compliamented her. "We'll see. It won't be as good as mine. I can't have ,you out doing my party, now can I?" Laughed Sondra. "True. But it better be good! Look at all the gifts, everyone brought you!!" Gushed Maggie enviously. Maggie's boyfriend, Douglas Monroe, came over to dance with Maggie and, Sondra. Sondra, headed out into the crowd dancing with her friends. Everyone was glad to greet her, when they saw her. She had, her digital camera out, and was taking photo's with everyone as, she went through the crowd.

           Sondra, had no idea the truble that waited her, inside the Welton Manshion. Up stairs someone had left the water running, in the hot tube. There had been a crack forming on the ceiling for awhile, when they had gotton alot of rain. Now the water that was hitting the floor was causing the crack to get larger by the minute!!

            Drips of water began to, fall from the ceiling. Water splatter on the guest below. They began to look up, and noticed the crack. Soon, the crack began to split the wood. And the hot tub began to sink lower. "Get out!! Get out! Get out!" A girl screeched in terror as she pointed to the falling tub. Luckliy no one was in the tub. Someone had been getting it ready. Everyone began to run out of the manshion, screaming with terror. Sondra noticed her, guests running out the house screaming. She ran into the house to find out what was going on.

          People,were running past her to get out, of the house as, she was coming in. As she came in, she saw the crack, and the hot tub that was falling into the main dining room! Just as she got in the house, CRASH! Went the hot tub right on the table!! Sondra,screeched with horror! Now what was she, going to tell her Daddy? He was bound to know she, threw a party now!! Sirens, sounded outside. Someone had called the police. Things couldn't get any worse!

    

Reviews

[-Aurelia Mirella]

Again the plot is interesting!

I would though, go back and look at your grammer and such. I noticed that there were lots of commas that didn't need to be used, and some spellin errors.

But overall it's good! Can't wait to see what happens next!

Always,
-Aurelia Mirella

[Confessions Of An Angry..]

When does she go to Mexico? I can't waite to find out!