Drink it Up

babbling~

Stumbling, fumbling, round the table
Wonder where my dreams have gone
They are living, circling my heart
Growing larger, one by one

Take the key and twist it further
Never know just what you'll win
Open gates and light the darkness
Wait for true life to begin

Falling faster into motion
Much like glowing carousels
Macrame hearts all exploding
I descend into this hell

Where I am satan, you are godly
Halo rippling round your head
I am shifting human assumptions
All the while we both are dead

Think of me when you are sober
Memories of times we shared
All are hazy and rotating
Think of those times that we cared

Stumbling, fumbling, round the table
Here are my dreams in my hand
Smiling faces all surround me
Drunken life, it is so grand.

Reviews

[Mark]

I hope that this is merely a poetic creation, and not a true expression of unhappy tidings on the homefront--kind of sounds like that boyfriend you rave on so profusely might be growing a little stale? Like i said, I hope that's not the case, so I will speak to the poem AS poem only...
As a poem, it is phenomenal. Your use of simile and metaphor is very sophisticated--I especially loved "macrame hearts": linear lives tied up with the lives of so many others and with so many knots, it takes on a three-dimensional existance of it's own, only barely foreseen by it's original participants!

[Jeremy DeVaughn]

In regards to you deciding to write this, good choice. However, I think if you'd have written it while you were drunk, it'd be an interesting experience. Still, excellent job. Plenty of poetic bitterness. Sobriety is the only true enemy of joy.

[atom]

I like this a lot, and you're right to be pleased with the meter. I especially like the fifth stanza.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I love it! Great meter and flow. Big kudos on this!

[emmaMackin]

Can you write some thing crummy once in awhile? I love all your work, and I like the rhythm of this. All the time it disturbs me to know how much suffering young women go through but I am just starting to browse your work here and already have seen the Lighter side in your life too.
Motherly instincts, I want you alive. Happiness is more important than ever with the world out of balance and the Dark Side always claiming victory.