Unholy Matrimony

a dark love story? XD

Hidden deep in a dungeon
Between icy winds and stone
Illuminated only
By fire on its own.

Scavenger birds cried out
And echoed through the halls
Who's shadowy expanse
Became those shrill calls.

Behind ancient, strong bars
In a tattered old gown
Lay a frail, broken woman
Who was once of renown.

Pale fingers clawed walls
Like chalk to the slate
Nails were broken off
Where some clotted blood laid.

A pale, hopeless face
Looked through a small crack
Grey eyes yearned for light
When her heart gave a smack.

Chills crawled up her spine
From a menacing howl
Coming from beyond
As though disemboweled.

Her soul asked itself
"Really, could it be?
That my valiant lover
Has returned to me?"

For an answer she saw
In the fire-light's glow
A skeleton face
One she used to know.

It flew round and grinned
The most horrible smirk
With the stench of death rot
Making her stomach work.

Hiding virgin face
From the devilish sight
A few tears escaped
As well as a sigh.

Amidst the laughter
Of Satan's own son
She fell down defeated
A wedding had begun

In a tattered old gown
A ring slipped on her finger
From one bony hand
To the other, it lingered.

Made from the spine
Of a once-holy rat
It curled round her knuckle
And so there it sat.

Arms limp and shaking
Her eyes to the floor
A voice called from within
Screaming "No more!"

She put fists to walls
And ran from the spectre
Rapping with all might
But no one could save her.

She howled and moaned,
Rivaling the monster
With sobs that echoed
For her lost lover.

In opening eyes
She saw that above her
Was the skeleton head
And how it did want her.

With a frigid, stiff grasp
It held to her tight
And kissed how it could
Stopping the night.

A silence surrounded
Her heart and her mind
As though they were numbed
And her senses were blind.

The bars all raised up
Without aid of key
With one arm to escort,
Was the demon, he.

Veiled and so broken
She slowly acquiesced
Walking those stale corridors
Waiting for death.

Out stalked the lovers
Into the chill night
If one had fallen
So the other might.

Into thick, grey fog
The two disappeared
One that was taken
The other was feared.

Author's Note

Blah, I'm not pleased with the title.
This is like the first time since 2005 that I've written something of a narrative love story. Or anything "dark" for that matter. Maybe I'm getting my mojo back? :D
I like it, but I know it probably needs some work.
Constructive criticism? o.O But keep it as nice as you can, I'm a wimp. >.>

Reviews

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Deep and dark nightmarish love story.. I found it really draws the reader's attention.. you stayed with rhythm pattern and when I came to the point where you broke that pattern it first caught me off guard.. I then continued reading and when ending was not bothered by the break in between. Real fear displayed in written creativity that discribes a twisted relationship that is a very haunting type of surreal.. gothic and chilling! Keep up at it.. you have a real talent displayed.. with great description!

[CarolynLewisPoe]

Once again, a fantastic read! Thank you for making these beautiful pieces of literature for me to enjoy! So, what are you waiting for? Make more for us o-great one!!! :D

[Tina Kline]

Very dark, chilling and fantastic. Also written very well. I sure enjoyed the dark story in this.

[An owl on the moon]

This is a remarkable piece, taking us on a journey into the darkness and depth of a world only found in nightmares... Your description is precise and profound, and you draw us richly into this mystical world. Powerful write!

[M. Amphet Salt]

Hey Loli Doll ;)

It works as it is. I wouldn't even do very much. You have stuck to a strict pattern the best you could and in the two place I seen that it was a little loose; there's not much more you can do. Promise, I tried working with it to share ideas, but still, it's awesome as it is.

You did GREAT!!! This Lyrical Ballard is the best amatuer work I've seen in a long time and I am not trying flatter you, it really is! Remind my a*s this weekend if you would like me to look in my database for a publishing company that would by this type of work! I know this would sale! If you pushed it.

I really can't critisize when there's not much to critisize. There's a place I would have added an optional comma, but I am sure you thought that over, and my advice there would be frivolous.

I'm impressed and that's rare. It has the old time gothic feel w/ modern connotation. You stuck to a dark word pattern, and you let the ending as it should have been closed, but open to interpretation. Put it in my contest if you'd like. It fits.

Awesome, Awesome, Awesome!!! and Inspiring, doll! Big kiss on the cheek wimp :).

[Bette]

this is GREAT! i totally loved it!