Music

A simple poem that follows rhythm and describes music in an accurate tentative way.

A clash of vibration, a battle of sound,
A whirlpool of voices, all limits unbound.
An infinite rhythm, and order of notes,  
A balance of feelings, that won’t rock the boat.
 
Each word after word, and each line after line,
Notes weave through your heart like a meaningful vine.
While a story hides beneath every great phrase,
It’s emitting wonder that lingers always.
 
An excess of language, an immortal life,
A genuine feeling, that comes, not in strife.
A mixture of magic, a sandstorm of rhyme,
Unspeakable beauty, through enduring time.
 

Author's Note

what do you think of the descriptive aspect of the poem? How can i be more thorough in terms of what I'm trying to convey. Which lines/phrases sound cheesy?

Reviews

[StrawberryDream]

This doesn't sound cheesy to me in the slightest.. Which is impressive, because its very hard to keep on the innovative side when talking about music! Great job, I was going to post my favorite parts, but I'm afraid I enjoyed the whole thing thoroughly, and would be copy/pasting the entire thing in my review! :) Love it, can't wait to read more.

[WriterMe]

Haha give yourself some credit. Everything was perfect. Nothing needs to be changed. I think if you'd want to make a point in terms of what your trying to convey then all you can do is try and add some more lines on how music makes you feel.
Description was great and nothing sounds cheesy. It was brilliant. Thank you for making me read it =]

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your great winning poem!

[~Sorcha~]

I like this, althought the last line of the second stanza I would have to disagree with. For me, concerning music particularly, it doesn't linger for days, it lingers for always. It becomes a part of me and who I am, mere days cannot describe the affect of any music to me.

Also, you entered this in my one word contest, so I will have to apologize to you but I literally meant only one word entries. No more, no less. So I will have to disqualify your entry. Sorry! But I do like this poem, it is unique and innovative in the way you describe music.

[Hannah Monttkomepy]

First off I think you nailed what music is. To be more thorough in the terms of what you're trying to convey...hmm well they were all pretty clear. I don't see how anyone could not understand what you're trying to say. None of the lines, phrases, stanzas are cheesey at all. I don't really get the rock the boat part at the end of the first stanza. It is a very beautiful poem though. I really don't have anything bad to say about it.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Very nicely done. A beautifully written poem. Does not sound cheesy whatsoever. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[nadya]

i LOVE the description, it's varied but still creates that powerful emotion
and the rhyme/rythm schemes reall add to it
the only thing is that "strife" sounds a little cheesy but maybe just because i'm not used to talking like that lol
nice job!

[Meredith Leigh]

Ooooh this was awesome!
I love music, so the title just drew me in, and I wasn't disapointed, because the rest of the poem was awesome too!

- Kriss

[Michael X]

This poem is impressive- what struck me most is- how the heart can feel the muse inspiring the
musical vision, the lyrical quality and that being the smoothe rhyme with intentful skill. beautifully done.

[Life Calling!!!]

Well done Nisha! Great piece of work! Your poem flows smoothly, just like music and touches the heart with its simplicity, just like music again! In fact, its this simplicity that makes it sound even better...and no, there really are no cheesy bits. I thought there were a couple of typos/grammar errors, but if you go through it once more, you'll know where...overall, a fantastic piece. Loved it! Thanks!

God Bless!

[Freder Fredersen (aka G..]

A head-knocking rhythm and a good rhyme scheme. It's a simple message, but a poignant one none the less! Music frees us from the daily madness and monotony. It dampens the blows that we take from life, and inspires us to go on! I really like this. You have a gift for rhythm and a good message. There is no cheese on this word sandwich. Props.

FF