Can I trust you?

Swift and hungry you came
like a desperado

Sort of pungent, cress.
The twelfth I think.
Though granny would know exacly
She's a snoop to know about every
fiasco. Even if it's not. She knows,
the clack of your shoes, even the way
they sound when you pass on the gravel
in our yard.

But my question is to you.
Can I trust you?
Can you hold all my secretes?
Or will this be a playback of the
last?

Oh no not the last! The one
before maybe, the ricochet
of his bullet won't be so bad.

But can I trust you?
Or is opening up my heart,
a mistake?
Will you take it and break it and
bury it in the gravel in our
yard?

Will granny no longer hear the
clack of your shoes?

Author's Note

There's a sequel to this poem called 'Do I trust you too much?'

Reviews

[Robert Francis Callaci]

No i't's not against the rules to use repeating lines- you use them as a sort of refrain- it's quite effective.
Rules can always be broken as long as you know the rules in the first place.

This piece had some meat on it, it pulls you in- I like the conversational style of the piece while still maintaining flow and poetic language.

You have a typo =burry -bury

good job



warmest
bob

[Mya Q]

Thanks so much for taking the time to review :)

[incognito Ren]

Granny sounds dangerous. Loved this one too. Seems to me you have quite some skill.

[Mya Q]

Skill, brilliance? All these compliments and all these reviews? I'm flattered Ren

[incognito Ren]

I hope I'm no being a bother. I simply found your writing and took a liking to your style. The compliments are as a result and all true might I add.

[Wicahpi]

It's fine. It is not against the rules to use words twice, so long as they are used at least once. It's your story, afterall :) Thank you for your entry!! I enjoyed the read.

[Eddie Davis]

Nicely done, very good start!

[Mya Q]

Thanks so much :)

[zaisham9393]

Very well written.I loved reading it :)!

[Mya Q]

Thanks so much. I really appreciate that.

[LapseOfMind]

I thoroughly enjoyed this. Well written and easy to read, a poetic story to enjoy. Good job!

[Mya Q]

Thank you so much.

[LapseOfMind]

You did very well, I enjoyed it