Chapter 3~A Chapter by Nicole Cruz
This chapter is pretty much based on personal experience. This actually happened to me only it was a different scenario and stuff. But it has the same words said. Sorry if it isnt any good/interesting, its just a moment that means alot to me *shrugs*
I was enjoying a drink of Arizona Iced Tea and now that i heard those words I spit it all out. Damn, curse the world for making me do that. I re-composed my thoughts.
Okay, what the hell did I just hear?!
"Blake, what the hell did you just say?" I started at him in the eyes intensely.
He shrugged and looked down at his feet as he started walking again. It was getting close to dark so we were walking to James' house. He was going to give us a ride back home. We were standing n the middle of the street so I went over to the sidewalk. I was visibly shaking. My stomach felt like it was punched and I swear I was going to puke. Did Blake just say he’s Gay? Is that why he never looked at girls? Is that why he broke up with Casey? ( the last girl he ever dated)
"I'm Gay Charlie Anne. I like men. I don’t look at girls the same way a straight guy would. I never did. I went around dating girls hoping that’d I go back to normal but realized that I already was normal. I was forcing myself to be something I clearly wasn’t. That is why it was such a horrible breakup with Casey.. She wanted to have sex and I just couldn’t get hard for her. She blamed it all on herself. She thought it was her fault that I was gay. It wasn’t, I was born this way.” Blake looked down and he sniffed. I knew he was being serious. This is just all too much of a shock. Blake gay? How could I have not seen it coming?
I looked at him and noticed his cheeks were wet. Was he crying?
"Blake, are you crying? Look dude, I’m not mad or disgusted.. It was just a shock." I forced him too look at me. He was crying.His eyes sparkling in tears. I pulled him into a hug and he started sobbing on my shoulder. I suddenly felt my heart ache. Blake was scared and crying. He was in pain and it killed me to know that. I loved Blake with all i had and i would always love him no matter what.
"Aw come on Blake. Why are you crying? It's totally fine that you're gay. Stop crying." I rubbed his back in soothing motions.
"You're going to hate me. Just like you hate your dad.." I felt my whole body tense up as he said that.
My dad.. how dare he. I cant believe he just said that. I felt tears stinging my eyes.
"What the f**k Blake?! I- I- cant.. Ugh I CANT BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT!" At this point i was yelling. I was hurt and angry. "WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD EVER HATE YOU? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WOULD EVER COMPARE YOU TO MY FATHER? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK OF THAT?" He had nothing to say, he just looked at the ground crying even more.
I took a deep shaky breath and stormed off. I can’t believe this. You might think I’m over reacting but my dad.. my dad is a touchy subject. My dad is Gay. Yup, the man who made me is Gay. I'm not a homophobic, don’t get me wrong. I just have a grudge against my dad. Not gay people. I don’t dam people to my hate just because of one person.
My dad married mom when she was 20. My mom was an innocent woman. She was always at home helping out her mom or studying. She never went out and partied. My father was "in the closet". He thought that marrying my mom and having a child would lay off the suspicions of him being Gay. So he got mom pregnant and forced her to move to the United States. We were originally from Puerto Rico. I was three when I first stepped into this new world. It was winter so i had seen my first snow flake fall from the sky.
At the time, I honestly thought I was in heaven. It was just all so new to me. But soon my dad realized that the married life wasn’t for him. At least not the married life with my mom .So he divorced her and left her stranded in this new world. My mom knowing only Spanish decided to stay. For a better life and education for me; my mom sacrificed her life for me. My dad hasn't been involved in my life since then.
I felt something wet on my cheek. I hadn't realized i was crying. I looked over my shoulder and saw that Blake was sitting on the sidewalk, head in his hands. I walked over to him and sat down next to him.
"Hey". I said softly. "I-I don’t hate you Blake. I'm sorry I flipped out on you earlier. It was just ..." I stopped talking. I could never describe my reaction to things.
"I felt his arm around my shoulder and he kissed my cheek.”Yeah I know... I'm sorry too. I shouldn’t have said that. I'm just scared you know? I don’t know how to tell mom." He looked scared all over again.
I got up and pulled him up with me. I took a hold of his hand.
“Look Blake, whatever happens, you’ll always have me. I accept you, so stop crying.”
He smiled and we started walking “Soo… you and Cyrus?”
I glared him. “Shut up. Just shut up!” I said angrily.
He laughed “Charles, you are so weird.”
“Shut the hell up Blake.”
We continued walking to James house hand in hand. As we walked I couldn’t help but notice there were starts in the sky. That’s odd.. You could never see starts here. Ah well, I’ma make a wish. I looked over at Blake who was starting ahead, lost in thought. I looked up at a star and wished in my head that I’d never loose Blake. That’d I never loose the one person that ever cared and understood me.
© 2012 Nicole Cruz
Added on March 15, 2012
Last Updated on March 15, 2012
Lawrence , MA
AboutPeeka- Boo O_O I see you My name is Nicole. Atheist Anarchist Writing is my passion Music is my drug im shy Anti social Fear of people Random I guess i'm nice I'm straightfoward Coffe.. more..