Parable of the Perfect Couple

Parable of the Perfect Couple

A Poem by The John Fredrick Carver

A girl and a guy were man and wife but didn't know

Their father saw them, one on the way, one at home

So he made arrangements with her mother for the wedding though

Her family were evil and his son so loved to roam.

She wouldn't go for it leaving him with nowhere to go

But the king and he entreated the king, “King please assist.”

And the king saw what he saw, they were a maiden and her beau

So he sent them each to his son who couldn't resist.

The prince cleaned them up and taught them what his love was

Then he taught them to love everyone else the same way

And in the spirit of the king and his kingdom was love because

Their father had played he was God on that first day.

They met and saw what they all had already seen

When they had been evil now holy and loving and clean.

© 2017 The John Fredrick Carver

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Perhaps the greatest sin...Adam and Eve His greatest creation and they embarked on evil from the very first day! And still to this day we fail but are 'cleaned by the grace of His son! Great work as usual!!

Posted 1 Month Ago

your work challenges my mind....... it's fascinating and captures me so I have to read again to fall into your mind.......this on first reading is such a beautiful picture in my mind........but I must read over again many times to get myself into that have awesome writing ability not like my style at all and it captivates me.

Posted 2 Months Ago

The John Fredrick Carver

2 Months Ago

You sound like a fan but that's okay. I'm a fan of what I write. I'm so glad to be alive and doing t.. read more
I am that shell that you keep out of recost. You only see me when I am at dispose. Leave me alone at this place please. I am pleased to see you here at last a at peace.

Posted 2 Months Ago

The John Fredrick Carver

2 Months Ago

Beautiful lines. I don't know if I understand it all but I wholeheartedly agree. I am at peace. Than.. read more

2 Months Ago

You understand it just pretend you dont please I love you so much
Overall this is a nice piece, a very dramatic yet uplifting romantic tale of two lovers, however you jump around so much in the story that it becomes rather confusing. For example, the very first line: "A girl and a guy...." I understand the two are lovers and that the father is against the marriage, however, the piece moves so quickly that it is hard to fully grasp this concept unless you are reading very closely. Perhaps you could expand on the scene to add more interest, like explain more about the characters and who they are, and also write more about who the father is in relation to the two lovers, is he the father of the girl or the guy? It isn't made clear. Also the line: "Her family were evil and his son so loved to roam" is a very interesting line, but is rather vague, maybe you could go more into detail about this evil family and this son who loved to roam, these are interesting character, you just didn't give enough detail about them. Also the king jumps in too suddenly, perhaps you could write a little bit about who the king is and what he does, what his relationship is to the two lovers and their family, what kind of person he truly is. Also, the prince part feels a bit confusing, is the prince the son mentioned at the beginning of the piece? Who is the prince and what purpose does he serve? The ending does make sense but it feels greatly rushed. Maybe you could slow down and give more details about the scene at hand? Overall, good work, the overall concept of the piece is definetly
there, it is just a little too vague and rushed, but good work so far :) !!!

Posted 2 Months Ago

0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
The John Fredrick Carver

2 Months Ago

It is a parable. Figure out who the king. the prince or king's son, the father, the father's son and.. read more
The John Fredrick Carver

2 Months Ago

If you like parables I might suggest reading parable of the parable. It might open your eyes if you .. read more

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4 Reviews
Added on October 24, 2017
Last Updated on October 24, 2017