Still waiting

Still waiting

A Poem by Najam Us Saher

                 STILL WAITING
Waves of sea rise and fall,
And time continues to pass.
I am trapped forever inside these walls,
And I feel I am a culprit behind the bars.
Just tell me why I am away from you 
Just please tell me why?
You know the facts which are untrue,
And all your promises now you deny.
I die inside daily,
Waiting for you to come.
Emptiness surrounds me, 
And my heart is numb.
Years of love and trust
Broken down and beginning to rust, 
I am afraid, will life be the way we planned? 
I am broken, my memories are fading to dust.
I am longing to feel your presence,
To walk with you hand in hand.
You gave me and my life a new essence, 
I was helpless please try to understand.
Time is passing by,
But my life is paused.
Will you come and wave me Hi?
Or I have to suffer another loss.

© 2017 Najam Us Saher



My Review

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Featured Review

Although this one is about romantic love, I personally link it to my stepmom and other close family members. All of whom I have missed. Once again the message is beautiful.

However, there are some grammatical errors that kept jumping out at me, and that may be distracting to future readers...

The mistakes aren't that bad, and your writing style is easy to follow, but better writing equates to the reader's better understanding of the message. For instance, when you wrote "Years of love and trust...began to rust", I almost verbally cringed. "Broken down" implies it was in the past or present, while "began to rust" implies it was solely in the future.

Changing that to "beginning to rust" would have worked. But overall, it was pretty good!



Posted 10 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Wow..
The tragic tale has been potrayed beautifully!

Posted 5 Months Ago


Najam Us Saher

5 Months Ago

I thank you so much for reading... :)
Nene

5 Months Ago

No worries!
Its emotional. Will you come? that line has more weight that any kind of imagination. It speaks alot.

Posted 8 Months Ago


Najam Us Saher

8 Months Ago

Yes....Thank you so much. I am glad to know that you liked it ☺
I enjoyed the poem. I liked the flow of thoughts leading to the strong ending.
"Time is passing by,
But my life is paused.
Will you come and wave me Hi?
Or I have to suffer another loss."
I liked the above lines. A realistic ending. Thank you Najam for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 8 Months Ago


Najam Us Saher

8 Months Ago

Thank you so much sir. I am really feeling very happy to know that you liked it.
Coyote Poetry

8 Months Ago

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.
Well i obsevrved most of your poems are truly painful of missing someone.....i enjoyed your write but as a friend i would like to say one thing...just for your good,...that's it nothing more,....if one cannot come back that means he i not in your fate may be some one better still waiting for you to arrive....if he have to be back in your life he will be one day, if it's in your destiny, enjoy each and every moment of life it's valuable may be sad or good but enjoy,.....you have a kind heart dont let bleed it.....:)...
And poem i enjoy reading your stufff....
Hey am sorry if spoke any wrong..

Posted 8 Months Ago


Najam Us Saher

8 Months Ago

Nah. You are absolutely correct. I agree with you. Thank you so much for your solacing words. :)
Surya

8 Months Ago

Your welcome...
Where is he now?
i will pray for you. because you love him so much. your love won't fail i am sure

Posted 8 Months Ago


Najam Us Saher

8 Months Ago

Yeah he also loves me a lot more than I do. I am waiting for him to come and ask my parents for my h.. read more
Another lovely poem from you filled with true emotions, and respect. the readers seems every line comes from the depth of your generous heart. Without such depth nobody can compose such heart-touching poem. we all know time is passing but memories remains always. A lovely poem well crafted with nice choice of words. Thanks for sharing. Keep writing. :-)

Best
szhzia

Posted 10 Months Ago


Awesome poem!!
Keep on writing!

Posted 10 Months Ago


Well, I don't talk about mistakes, even I do them loads of time, so mistakes apart and your poe. Is well penned, I hope you will become better day by day..keep sharing it

Posted 10 Months Ago


Grammatical errors are nothing inherently bad or should they be considered errors really as they may hold some hidden unique meaning.

Now to the actual "constructive" criticism.... Well it sounds like you had a relationship with someone but now it has changed for the worst.

perhaps a friend who you thought of as more but he was just not ready to have it change or maybe just could not see you that way.

This could also be the opening sequence to your other poems seeing as it sounds like it comes from personal experience.

Thus this could be the beginning till you came to the end where "My Love Has Come To An End"

May haps this is not the first one or the second but you were definitely still lingering on the pain and emotional heartache.

This is just the first stage of grief as you seem lost, confused and just overall depressed by the whole situation and feel trapped by the whole unwanted emotions you felt in great surges.

Where you were probably trying to come up with reasons as to how you can patch things over in fear of losing they're companionship.

Posted 10 Months Ago


This is a nice poem. I liked the melody it has to it. Although the last line I feel is missing a word? *OR will*? Just a thought. Thanks for sharing!

-OhSnap

Posted 10 Months Ago



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312 Views
11 Reviews
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Added on January 10, 2017
Last Updated on January 11, 2017
Tags: Waiting, love, hope, sadness, pain

Author

Najam Us Saher
Najam Us Saher

Hyderabad, India



About
Some people want to live long so that they are remembered for a long time, I want to live a little and want to be remembered forever. All the noises in my head, all the words unsaid, all the emotio.. more..

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