Fish bowl

FISH BOWL

O' beauty of my bowl,

Do you like living there?

O' you tiny soul,

If you don't want to stay; break away.

 

O' little fish gliding in exuberance,

How do you live happily?

O' small life of innocence,

Teach me your way.

O' fragile fish, you capture my attention, 

Doesn't your beauty fade away?

O' fish of my admiration,

There is nothing less about you to say.

O' joyful soul; mini delight, 

Why are you going away?

O' pleasure of my sight,

Guide me thy way. 

Reviews

[Pragati Chaudhary]

Waooooooooooo. sooo cute.....

Thankyou it was lovely reading that

[Flowers of Eternity]

This is an interesting read!
I find it both fun and sad..
It's like your longing for something..
Beautiful work!!

[Najam Us Saher]

Thank you very much :)

[angel]

Don't find it too charming, It's really alarming when you finally learn what it's about;That cute little fish in its watery dish Is just trying to find its way out!
That's what I think, anyroad.

[Najam Us Saher]

Thank you so much for your words.

[angel]

welcome.J'm a humanitarian.

[Vicky]

Awww. The fish is cute to me. The piece is cute, actually. Something I normally don't like when said to me, but this is just adorable, so I hope you don't mind.
I really like your admiration of the fish and how you wish it could teach you how to be content. The entire thing bursts with imagination, a trend I'm finding in your work.
I just looked down and saw another comment that says basically the same thing. Ha.
I do wonder at that last line, did the fish just swim away or...die? :(

[Najam Us Saher]

The fish swam in another direction :)
Thank you so much for appreciating this one. It means a lot.

[Richard simpson]

I like it it's cute and imaginative and interesting, though we don't use thy and o' anymore but it's okay I've learned from that mistake. I have mixed feelings about the prompt of the fish bowl thing, though it is adorable and cute and stuff I feel your writing can do more in good time. I like it good job!

[Najam Us Saher]

Thank you very much for reafing, it means a lot.

[Najam Us Saher]

For reading*

[barleygirl]

Your poem is solid & interesting & imaginative. I love the way you seem to suggest that a fish in a bowl might teach you to be content in some similar small realm, perhaps . . . this is a brilliant point, but I feel it's not 100% clear that this is the point you are making. But that's OK becuz each reader can take whatever lesson he/she sees in this fish bowl. I notice that you do not use very much imagery to SHOW us your fish . . . such a brightly-colored creature, it seems unusual not to mention that. Also, the splishy-splashy aspects could be enhanced to make this a more dynamic story. It seems you describe a more colorless, lifeless flat fish picture, where you imagine how the fish must feel, maybe limited -- you write about what you guess inside your head, rather than writing what you would actually see & hear & smell & touch, if you were interacting with a lively colorful fish. I think this poem is okay, the way you wrote it. But I just wanted to point these things out to you, so you can decide if you want to write in this way, which is more "inside your head" -- or if you want to try sometimes getting outside your head & write like a movie camera, observing life & describing all the sensory aspects & the dynamic movements. Thank you for taking my thoughts into consideration -- I know I've gone on & on! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Najam Us Saher]

I haven't seen a fishbowl in years and this is just my imagination of how I would admire it. However, we did had an aquarium when I was a kid. I understand your suggestions that you want me to 'show instead of tell' and I really value your feedback. I appreciate the effort you have taken to write such a detailed review. Thank you very much for appreciation, it means a lot :)

[Dave Brown]

Hello Najam
Funny about this site. A comment takes you off into a different realm.
I have enjoyed your poems.
Are we not all in our own little fishbowl
very nicely done

[Najam Us Saher]

Indeed Sir we are. Thank you very much for reading my poems, good to meet you.

[SZHZIA]

It is also filled with emotion like your other poem... I love it. Thanks for sharing Najam :-)

[Najam Us Saher]

You never fail to make me happy by your kind words. Thank you very much. ☺

[SZHZIA]

pleasure... You are welcome.. :-)

[Onlyme]

A creatively expressive poem with heartfelt really down to earth emotions. That touches the heart. And make you think. With a smile on your face.

[Najam Us Saher]

I am really happy that you liked this a lot. Thank you very much.

[Onlyme]

You have a very creative mind. Explore it more and open yourself up. You will be suprized at what you find will come out of you. Wink.

[Najam Us Saher]

Your words meant a lot to me.
Sure I will, if I have people like yourself who continue to keep inspire and appreciate me.

[Onlyme]

MY pleasure sweetheart of late so been into myself. I lost me. But trying to help others again. You are talented. Open yourself up to more ways of expressing yourself Like I do. And you will enjoy yourself.

[Najam Us Saher]

I agree with your words. Just like you I write to make myself feel better. I pour my emotions out.

[Onlyme]

It does help. Keep expressing yourself. And you will grow also and learn like Iam more about yourself and others. Hugs.

[pragya gaur]

Beautiful amazing and creative writing... Really loved it

[Najam Us Saher]

Thank you very much for reading :)