Why did you leave us?

how I felt one day when looking back on my childhood. From a sweet little girl to a rotting corpse

When you were a child, all you did was smile. Wherever you went you smiled with eyes filled with wonder as everything surrounding fascinated you. Though you came into the world crying, inhaling the little bits of air required to create a scream, you have grown into a child of laughter and love. For your age you were smart though slightly slow and easily distracted. You required extra help in school, it it never seemed to faze you though, you just assumed this was how everyone was treated. Art was one of your many talents growing up. You loved to draw and paint and color and as you grew older you skills grew along with you. People would look from the corner of their eyes to see what it was you were doing with only positive thoughts. You believed that you were talented and you thought you could never stop, but by the time you turned thirteen, your motivation for everyday activities grew smaller until it was reduced to nothingness. By that age you were wondering what it was your parents had been giving you. To your surprise it was ADHD medication, meant to motivate you into being a productive member of society, but as the days went by you noticed what little purpose they held. You found out later that you had been diagnosed with depression and was soon medicated for that. After that you found out you were at risk for psychosis and were medicated for that as well. It never seemed to end. You were told that it would help you, maybe bring back the motivation you were lacking so severely, but to your disappointment you remained as you were. A tired and sad little shell with no interest in doing anything. You were still able to daydream as the days went by. Going deep into your imagination where you could make anything happen. It made you so happy, until it stopped. At one point you wanted to, but something wouldn't let you. With everything gone all you could do was sit and wait for time to pass. Eventually you would gain a small bit of motivation only for it to dwindle away at the sight of what you attempted to create. You would try to work, but it never lasted. All that was ever on your mind seemed to be how you would possibly survive the harsh terrain of the urban jungle. At some points you were hoping that you would die so you wouldn't have that to worry about, but luckily it never lasted. You didn't even have the motivation to play a simple game or spend time with your friends. You were afraid that they would find you boring and you didn't want that, so you would push them away until you were alone. Rarely did this happen, but your mood would drastically change from a high to a low leaving you lifeless. You couldn't get through school and thus were brought home where all you could do was sit in your room and do nothing. It's mind boggling this transition took place. From once a happy, active, and sweet girl to a sad and lifeless mess

Why did you leave us, Sam?