Those Arms

Something different, tell me if this works

 

   She cautiously set foot on foreign ground

Delicate little toes buried deep within heaven’s sand 

Anticipating, the encounter awaiting

Just like fate had planned 

Always caring arms, open and inviting

Calling her long forgotten name

 

Scanning random faces

For a sign of a destiny, waiting

Wandering the carnival of mixed souls

Knowing exactly where to go

 

To those inviting arms, open and waiting

Luring her closer with preciously sweet rhymes

 

Body tired, running

Towards a long awaited release

Fighting her way through a humanly maize

Searching the corridors of no compromise

 

For promised arms, open and strong

Desiring to take away all the wrongs

 

Remembering dreaming

What his touch would be like

Being enfolded by promises

She only kept for sanity’s sake

 

The thought of those protective arms, continuously waiting  

Brought her here today

 

Acid burnt cheeks finally believed

That the end was near

The end to a lifetime of misery

Giving a wonderful meaning to a better day

 

As those awaiting arms, kept calling
Taunting tired chambers inside her mind


Faster and faster she went
Wiping out sacred scriptures in the sand
Then frantically calling
Desperately battling, body restraining

From those enticing arms, waiting seductively
Whispering on the way through the darkened night

Only to sorrowfully find
She had wandered from sand to no man’s land
Returning to a legacy
Long time planned.

 

 

  

Author's Note

Something different, tell me if this works
- Still needs some work I think -

Reviews

[Lee W. Deason]

It is new yes, but i think it's good.
I see growth in this direction will only prove to be fruitful.
Try using it not in only romance though, I think you will find some pleasant things will find their way through your muse. But then again it could just be a crap shoot cause we are simply talking in "Meta" aspect.
Yeah. :)
Good write though.

Fighting her way through a humanly maize

Searching the corridors of no compromise

�Lee�

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Beautifully written poem. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Leran Vakem]

A truely awesome piece, it is diffrent for your other piece I've read, but still good

[Natasha Ashway]

Oh, it's sad!

[Save the Trees, Save th..]

awesome poem its beautiful

[R J Askew]

I like the progress through hope, but then the bitter twist of the final verse as the hope seems to fade. Sand/land/planned is strong in last verse. Cautiously/anticipating suggest hope at top of poem. I like 'carnival of mixed souls' and, moreso, 'corridors of no compromise'. 'Wiping out scriptures in the sand' puts me in mind of one of the moments when you wake from a wonderful dream and it crumbles leaving you with a feeling of total loss. Enjoyed the read.

[Rachel Hays]

Sorry I've taken so long. This is fantastic as usual. It's really new and different as far as the layout and word plays and I like it. A little change is always good and you did very well with it. The only "work" I'd say you need is a simple switch of maize for maze. Your work is always flawless. The rhyme scheme in this really got my attention. The different colors and the space makes for a good give-and-take feel, like an inner battle. One side feels dark and desperate, the other hoping and sensitive. That's how I felt, anyway. Beautiful. The ending is my favorite. Beautifully written and well rhymed. Perfect timing. Well done!

[pal]

Free flowing imagination, held with powerful words. A great one.

pal

[The Tao of Bri]

nope.. I do not think it needs anything...I think it is a very powerful opiate of a poem...the journey of hope and crestfallen reaching of despair...of course that is what kind of mood I am in so I can feel it hardcore...but mechanically and flow etc is great... is maize a play on words? I do that all the time so I wasn;t sure...as maze is the winding lost caverns I always find myself in love...

[These Haunted Hallways]

I love the many voices in this piece. U step it up a notch. Almost like a question and answer effect. Very creative, and the flow was really calm. Like a whisper and touch of one's hands, and letting them speak their words; their soul; the reality of it all. I feel it.

B.A.

[Sean M. Addams]

very powerful read love the imagery in this piece and flow is very good too... great job on this!!!!