Beyond Life...

Beyond Life...

A Story by Neetha
"

Forever and always..

"

Slowly, she opened her eyes. Horrifying darkness blanketed around her.


She scrambled out of her bed and made her way towards the infamous lunatic asylum.


As expected, he was there, patiently waiting for her arrival. 


The in-charge doctor gave a deep sigh. As the doctor looked on, he started talking with her and all the Doc could see was him conversing with an invisible woman.


Then, two burly guards dragged him away from her to the secluded world of metal chains.


“Tomorrow I’ll be with you!” he promised as she made her way back towards her home- her grave.


© 2017 Neetha



Author's Note

Neetha
Posting after a long time..

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Reviews

This pain I could feel, I know when I got the call when my own son they said to my is dead. that was in June. I lost all feelings. I felt I was going to dye with him. But in some way I did . This poem touch my deep within. Thank you for your sad poem.

Posted 5 Months Ago


Neetha

5 Months Ago

I am really sorry to hear that. Will be in my prayers.
A nice tale written dear Neetha. Poor Doctor saw the ghost. Two seeking some kind of peace. Thank you for sharing the amazing words and thoughts.
Coyote

Posted 1 Year Ago


Neetha

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much dear Coyote.
I am glad to read from you, a talented writer!
Coyote Poetry

1 Year Ago

You are very kind and I love your work. You are welcome Neetha.
As a short horror story, it hits the mark.
But i would like it longer.
Slowly she opened her eyes. Darkness surrounded her.
She could see the light of the asylum in the distance.
The walk would be slow.
He would be waiting.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Neetha

1 Year Ago

I am really glad to read that from you Paul:)
Thank you!
Very sad, you managed to write a whole story in a few lines and leave the reader imagining what happened! Very good!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Neetha

1 Year Ago

Thank you dear Hebe:)
Much appreciated!
Do you think your reader might appreciate your thoughts more if they were not so rushed and breathlessly presented? Why is the asylum "infamous"? If there isn't time or ink to explore that infamy why mention it?
The line about the doctor, the patient and the female is important. Is it important enough for two lines? Important enough to clearly differentiate which "he" is speaking immediately for the reader's benefit? Withholding information is a useful tool for writing. When too much is held back for too long it works against the writing. The surprise in the box may not be worth the effort to unwrap it.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Neetha

1 Year Ago

I do think the reader will appreciate my thoughts more if they were not so rushed and breathlessly p.. read more
Delmar Cooper

1 Year Ago

Remember I never said it was bad writing I only asked if it could be better.
Neetha

1 Year Ago

And I agree that it can be better.
I never thought of your comment as sth that projects the s.. read more
Reminded of "The girl interrupted".

Posted 1 Year Ago


damn,a sad write my friend

Posted 1 Year Ago


Triple S's
Short
Strong
Sad.
Good work

Bilated Happy Christmas ...........

Posted 1 Year Ago


Neetha

1 Year Ago

Bilated X'mas wishes to you too:)
Thanks for the review and for the 3 S's:)
Welcome back, Neetha. Hope you had a good Christmas. Although short (and I believe it could work as a short story when expanded) I like the premise.
There are a couple of little things to address. The confusion with the doctor in the hospital. It sounds like he is the one talking to your ghost and how would the doctor 'see' an invisible woman?
Perhaps he needs a name.
The last line needs a bit of work i.e.
“Tomorrow I’ll be with you!” he promised as she made her way back towards her grave...her home.
Good work.


Posted 1 Year Ago


Neetha

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much Ted for such a warm review And belated X'mas wishes.
I do mentioned 'as th.. read more
Ted Kniffen

1 Year Ago

I understood the difference between the doctor & the lover, Neetha, but if the lover had a name the .. read more

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Added on December 26, 2017
Last Updated on December 26, 2017
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Author

Neetha
Neetha

Kerala, India



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About me.... a girl who loves to be herself....loves reading....loves nature.... loves Jesus. more..

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