A Story by Kati
Really, just some insane logic of mine.
Judging by how much I'm dreaming lately, I'm dreaming a whole lot more than I'd like to. I don't like dreams. Mine are always so realistic. Why would I need something real, when I have all day to bothor with reality? Why can't my dreams be a time to escape? Why do my dreams have to be so vivid, and so out of my control? Why are the so much like the very reality that I despise?
My dreams are worse, though, because I can't predict my humans in them. I can't watch, or play with my humans in them. My dreams make me seem as if I'm just another... person.
It's distorting, seeing myself that way. Maybe I have a bit of a complex, that I can't even begin to understand or describe. Maybe that's just how my life is.
Is it so?
I can't wait for the days when I'm on my own, and when I cannot be legally bossed around. I can't wait for the days when I make my own decisions, provide for myself, and can pursue my not-so-dream-like dream. I just can't wait. I want to start now. Most people are like that, you might say, but my reasonings are so different than the average. My logic, and maturity about it is so odd. The way I see my life is indescribable. I can't even get a hold on it. It's a bit disturbing, really, but I don't see it that way. Because my REALITY is not a DREAM. It's different. It's something that I have complete control over; something that I can plan. It's not something that can be ripped from my hands, or something that might be interfered with. It's really amazing in its own way.
Maybe one of my complex's is a superiority complex. Do I have one? Is wanting to be able to control MY own life such a bad thing? Is wanting to be able to make decisions really so odd? Is being me, really such a crime?
Why is that so?
I don't get it, but yet.... I do get it. I don't know how to describe it past that, but that's how my life is. And I'm almost certain that it will stay that way. I know I will be in control. I know I will get want I want. I know that I will grow up - but that I WILL stay eternally young. That's a bit insane, really.
All my ramblings about humanity, thought, dreams, teenage-idiocy, and tears is insane. Just thing about it. What type of person thinks like this? At my age, none-the-less. It's.... Well, is there a word to even describe it?
It's because that's how it is.
There's no turning back once you've started something, and once something is lost there is no getting it back. That's one of the first things that people NEED to learn, but that humans hardly ever take seriously. Life's not as easy as we all take it to be.
When there is loss, of course there will be a sense of emptiness in the air, because whatever was lost.. had a place. It belonged somewhere, and it was wanted. But when it's gone we have to learn to move past that, and move on. To forget whilst remembering. That's life.
We can't always stop things, and yet as humans we pretend that we can. Maybe that's why I love humans so dearly. Because they are so wonderfully naive. They see things things in a manner that only one like themselves could. They see things so oddly that I'm surprised that I can even understand what they're thinking!
THAT'S how life works.
Life is a continuing thing that will not bend to a certain person's will, or wants. Life will not stop existing, or thriving just because of one tragedy. Life will not always celebrate, or feel joy, even in the midst of a miracle. Life will always be existing, and it will exist even after I die.
I will die. It's a simple matter that not everyone accepts. Most people think that they will live forever, but in reality - my oh, so beloved reality - they WILL die. Me? I plan on dying young. I don't want to grow old or loose my wits. I don't want to be remembered for age, or for living a long time. If I'm even remembered I'd like that to be because of change, or study, or maybe even my insane logic. Anything. But.. not everything works out how we want it, unless we really want it. Because if we really want it, we will work for it.. and even then it wont always be.
Because it's impossible.
Yours, Just Some Nobody.
--I'm a bit contradictory aren't I? I love reality, I hate reality. I love being in control, but I hate control.. So.. INSANE.
© 2012 Kati