Let Me Be Your Ocean

Trying out a new style

I am here

Here where she is not

She...

Is...

Tied tightly, cinched up and fastened

Fixed and anchored.

She carries a spyglass with her

To witness the kaleidoscope of the sun

That plays upon the waves

Those watery windchimes lapping at her feet

Never loud enough to be heard by Neptune

Neptune's hushed ears are of his own making

Deafened by roaring seas

I say what need do we have of deaf Gods?

What need?

When I am here and...

She...

Is...

Cemented in stone, chained by the ankles

Nailed and planted.

Each day heeding the call

Walking the hot sand barefoot

Listening to my prayers in conch shells

My voice mute to Gods ears

But not hers 

She hears me curse...not the heavens

But the deep

I threaten to beat down the ever rising waves

To quiet, to silence,...to kill.

Let me be

Let me dive

Let me wave

She...

Is...

Devoted to life next to the water

Enchanted by golden skies above sinking fire

Where pebbled toes;

feel the movements of the heavens

as they rush up and down her calves

Two white cliffs apart from one another

I am here

She is...not.

...still I pray to deaf Gods...to let me be her ocean.

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

...still I pray to deaf Gods...to let me be her ocean. -- Beautiful line, my friend.

The muse plays in the water, pours out her soul to the sea and the sand, searching for treasure along the shore, watches the sunset morph from alive to utterly dead...and all that you want is to be her ocean; the one place that she goes for solitude and symphony. You write so beautifully in terms of emotional connection and imagery, and the idea of loving someone so much that you would transform yourself in order to be that thing that the other person needs is...well...that is purity. Perhaps the Gods will hear you afterall...

[Astro]

Thanks Sarah, I see like Jack that you were able to read between lines. From someone so familiar with the Gods herself. I only hope you are right. But your words don't fall on deaf ears.

[Jack...]

Absolutely amazing my friend. I know this feeling all too well. The desire and the longing to be near someone that I can not, for she is so far away, but to share the exsistence as even the same waters touch me, brings some sense of relief. To wonder if the sound of those waves she hears as i do, alone on the sand, whispering to strangers as they pass and smirk for they don't understand. Touch this water as I do and feel me, your ocean. Very cool Astro. I have also read between these lines...dreams are made to come true my friend.

[Astro]

Thanks Jack, I truly believe you understand. Your review is quite accurate and genuine. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Vikrantsingh]

Simple and Quite an expressive thought flow Astro bro... Really liked it kept holding throughout and was very expressive. Well Frieda shared all my comments :P
I loved it :)
Thanks for sharing and inviting :)
- Singh :)

[Astro]

Whether you share the sentiments made by Frieda or, they are all your own, I thank you for your kind review and happy you liked this one.

[Vikrantsingh]

You're welcome Mate :)

[Frieda P]

I'm in love with this one, first off because I love the ocean, second because I felt it in my bones. Such bittersweet etchings in the sand, just took my breath away Astro. Outstanding my friend.

[Astro]

Thanks Frieda, it means a lot that longtime WC members like you and Jack have liked this one so much. But...please breathe or else you may end up looking like Smurfette and be put into a ridiculous sequel where the only man after you is Gargamel(Hank Azaria) *shivers* ;)

[Emily B]

this is amazing, thank you for inviting me to it

[Astro]

You're very welcome Emily and thanks for the review, please send me one of yours whenever you like, I often review only what I find in my read requests and I know you have some great ones yourself.

[Emily B]

I post my recommendations in the Paradigm Shift group :) I've been finding some great reads lately

[Vile]

Niiiice. I dig it, man. I see you took my comment about structure and decided to show me whats up huh? Hahahaha, glad to see it. I really enjoyed how this one flowed. Had a nice consistant tone to it and read without a hitch, no awkward pauses or wording, it rang beautifully. I really did like the word choices you used, I think that made the poem honestly. Set very nice, radiant images. Well done, well done.

[Astro]

Thanks brother, I definitely had your earlier comments in mind when setting out to write this piece. I tried to convey the same ideas in a poem of rhyming couplets but it didn't feel right. Thanks for the great review I'm glad you approve. Peace.

[Vile]

I don't think this piece would of been as effective as a rhyming themed poem. I think it stands perfectly the way it is.

[Astro]

I'm definitely more fond of this outcome too! :)