Realization of Insanity

Am I just their clown?

Their jester they pull along on tiny strings?

Am I just a puppet to make them laugh,

a puppet made for their own entertainment?

I tried my best,

but my best is not enough.

I tried, tried so hard I cried.

Tried so hard to climb back out of the abyss,

tried so hard to become untangled

from the terrible webs of prejudice,

the cobwebs of discrimination.

Just because I'm different,

just because I'm not showing sadness,

they laugh.

They laugh so hard they cry.

They never think of the feelings of the clown,

of the scapegoat,

of the one on the opposite end of the stick.

They don't think of anyone but themselves.

Why?

What did I ever do wrong?

Where did I go wrong?

Tell me!

Tell me so that I may right

my wrongdoings of the past.

If you won't tell me, I'll never know.

I'm stuck in the merry-go-round of insanity,

all your words drive me insane.

I'm just your clown,

your little doll.

I have become insane.

Insane with grief and anger,

pain and hate,

for all that you've done to me!

Why?

At least tell me why?

Why did you have to ruin my life

for your gain!

I want to die,

tear my heart out of my chest,

crush my brain in my skull,

to show you what you have turned me into.

I need to know,

tell me why?

Why you shun me!

I want to drown,

into the depths of the deepest waters,

into the fires of hell.

Surely nothing could be worse than this!

I want to slash,

draw blood,

show you I AM HUMAN.

You're the monsters!

The dirty monsters that sully this pure world,

the ones, no-

I am wrong.

I am the monster aren't I?

The monster who this joke is played on.

Can it be?

I am the monster?

I am insane, 

I cannot pull myself out anymore!

Look at me,

all you youth!
Look at me,

men of the world!

Look what you have turned me into!

The monster that I am should not exist.

Author's Note

Sorry for the errors, I did not proofread this yet.

I also wanted to capture "depression" differently here, so I tried something else. I hope it meet the criteria. I wanted to show what depression does to a person.

Reviews

[Kurai.Merodi]

wow~ love it! it really says what I feel all the time and shows the emotions of the author clearly

[Nikolean]

Thank you!