Solitary Thoughts

the thoughts that come with lonely nights

Perhaps it’s the cold wash of the moon

or the silent call of the night that lulls me-

numbs my pain and banishes my sleep.

Awake, I am and pondering wildly.

 

Alone in the night I tremble.

the quiet breaths from the room beside are wasted on newly deaf ears.

Alone, I am, my thoughts and I.

 

My blank eyes gaze at the sickening sight

of nothingness, fully weighing on my mind

The fragility of sanity shatters by muting thoughts

Hark! I find

there’s nothing to life,

Nothing to time-

 

Sanity bleeds into insanity,

lines begin to blur as the brain can no longer bear

the deafening silence that which seeps into my lonely weeping soul until

Everything matters. Nothing remains.

Just a distorted reality bending on my now blind eyes

and rage flowing through emotionless lights-

 

The heart is tired.

My muddle of thoughts cause me to swim

in the calamity of my youth- wasted on the

Love of the undeserving.

of the obscene thoughts of those

Guilty as charged.

 

Until all that’s left is me and my incomplete thoughts

In a tainted room alone in the world.

Devoid of emotion yet a craving for more-

and to heal the empty to become empty myself.

 

There is no meaning to anything.

There is no self worth- just empty desire and failures unaccomplished.

There is no stability- the failings of oneself weighing on the soul

my mind is lost to the instability of “what ifs?”

 

Silently, somewhere a calla lily* burns

Silently, somewhere a life is corrupted

Silently, alone, on tear stained cheeks

that occur, as if

I scream in a whisper.

 

 

I am Alone.

 

 

* calla lilies symbolize rebirth and life. Historically it has also meant purity. Torn, broken and burned calla lilies symbolize someone who has died before their time and fallen purity

Author's Note

I'm back after a pretty long hiatus, hopefully my writing has matured!

Reviews

[Kailani]

This is a really beautiful and vivid poem, it conveys a certain feeling perfectly. I can definitely relate to the experience of lying awake at night alone with thoughts swirling around until you end up questioning reality itself.