Limerick - Attempt 1

Limerick - Attempt 1

A Poem by Nirupama.H





Your shadow all in black and blue
As you go far, it's brighter too
It doesn't bite
I think I might
Just love it more than I love you !

© 2016 Nirupama.H



Author's Note

Nirupama.H
This one is my first attempt at a limerick ...
I'm sure there's a long way to go to call it a proper Limerick.
Please help me out !! :)

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

Hi Niruparma. Couple of comments. As regards the content of the poem, I like the topic of the shadow. You would probably know that shadows have been written about in poems, songs etc since for ever, so it's hard to find a new angle, but you have some nice concepts here - the brightness, the idea that the shadow is more loveable.

Second comment is the meter, which I would say is not limerick. Think of 3/4 time musical bars. I have just counted in my head, and there should be 13 such bars, arranged 3 3 2 2 3. To show what I mean, here's an instant example which means nothing, but sticks rigidly to the meter and rhythm

There was a - young fellow - called Peter
Who had a - godmother - named Rita
When out on - excursions
They tried dif - ferent versions
Of sitting - upon a - two-seater

Hope this helps

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nirupama.H

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot for these valuable comments :)



Reviews

I love it!!!
Keep it up!!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nirupama.H

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot
I enjoyed the playful nature of the poem! Great job on this one! Keep it up!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nirupama.H

1 Year Ago

Thank you :)
Very nice use of words. I like the energy of the words leading to the good ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 1 Year Ago


Nirupama.H

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot :)
Coyote Poetry

1 Year Ago

You are welcome.
I was alien to this style of writing. Thanks for introducing me to this form of writing. Lovely write. Thanks for sharing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Just to be really pedantic about this, you can also drop the final syllable on every line, so long as it's on all lines. So in terms of syllables, it could be 8 (3, 3, 2) 8 (3, 3, 2) 5 (3, 2) 5 (3, 2) 8 (3, 3, 2). So in your poem, lines 1, 2 and 5 have the 'right' number of syllables, but not quite the right meter.

I know this sounds critical and that you were just experimenting. So please regard these comments as genuine attempts to be helpful.

Regards
Nigel

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nirupama.H

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot for your time and effort.
I've just started learning the basics of poetry (mostl.. read more
Hi Niruparma. Couple of comments. As regards the content of the poem, I like the topic of the shadow. You would probably know that shadows have been written about in poems, songs etc since for ever, so it's hard to find a new angle, but you have some nice concepts here - the brightness, the idea that the shadow is more loveable.

Second comment is the meter, which I would say is not limerick. Think of 3/4 time musical bars. I have just counted in my head, and there should be 13 such bars, arranged 3 3 2 2 3. To show what I mean, here's an instant example which means nothing, but sticks rigidly to the meter and rhythm

There was a - young fellow - called Peter
Who had a - godmother - named Rita
When out on - excursions
They tried dif - ferent versions
Of sitting - upon a - two-seater

Hope this helps

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Nirupama.H

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot for these valuable comments :)
Done it well, Nirupama. First attempt!!!

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

An amusing lim... well done!!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Nirupama.H

1 Year Ago

Thank you :)
nirupama,
The case of seeing images in a way which will take the reader to its unknown pastures, is an age old practice being done by writers. The fact is that how you approach and manifest it. The craft seems to be at its peak.
Carry on.....



M P Ramesh

Posted 1 Year Ago


Nirupama.H

1 Year Ago

Thanks a lot !! :)

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

221 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Added on February 26, 2016
Last Updated on February 26, 2016

Author

Nirupama.H
Nirupama.H

India



About
Hey there! I'm a 19 year old student from India. Feel free to comment on my works after reading them. Constructive criticism is always appreciated. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..