Dust of a battlefield.

What my heart and mind recalls about my deployment to Afghanistan

They have nothing.

 I see them from above.

Rags as clothing,

This land empty of love.

 

"Mister! Mister!" The children call.

Ten feet away I smell their stink.

"Water! Water!" They cry to me,

With a sigh, I throw them my drink.

 

The Sun I feel.

My sweat I taste.

Our souls joined together,

Against the enemy we face.

 

The lesons of our fathers.

Her touch against my skin.

A past we shall never forget,

Is all we need to win.

 

The morning star rises,

Over a near peak.

Through the clouds it shines.

It makes my heart weak.

 

A local truck drives by.

The dust greets my face.

I push my sorrows aside.

Arms apart, I await my lords embrace.

Author's Note

My 1st real poem. Hopefully it was written correctly. Not too concerned about that. I hope people can get a very small idea of what its kinda like over there.

Reviews

[S.Mac]

This definitely describes it. The children here are what get to me. I can't stand saying no to them when they want water. I can't even count how many times I've climbed most of the way out of my turret to hand down a bottle of cold water to one of the kids.

The beginning drew me in. "They have nothing. / I see them from above. / Rags as clothing, / This land empty of love." (Seems I'm not the only one to love the opening stanza, either.) The second line lends to convey the feeling of being a sort of god in this land. The children look up at us in such a strange way. They fear us, and they love us. They hate us, and they surround us.

Well done.

(I have a question - is that picture from A-stan? I haven't seen anything outside of Baghdad, [they don't let us out much. heh. I spend my days between the VBC and the IZ] so I'm not sure if that's what it looks like out there or not, so I can't tell if that's A-stan or Iraq. Also, did you take that picture yourself? Sorry if these are stupid questions.)

[Texas]

It seems detached, but in the way if it wasn't, it would kill you. It contains sorrow, but also a glimmer of hope, the morning star. It's a feeling that needs to be written, it can't be contained.

[SN]

I think the message was conveyed clearly enough. I like how the first and the last stanza seem to embrace the poem. This really seems like it's coming from the heart, like it is exactly what you felt when you got there.
Good write.

[lAcEy_LoO's Poems Site]

Its so sad that many young men and women have put their life on the line my uncle was over there!!!! And i loved the 1st part of your poem!!!

"They have nothing.
I see them from above.
Rags as clothing,
This land empty of love."

I was a reallly great poem and something that everyone should know about!!!!

[Tim]

My son was over there too. The first thing he mentioned to me was how poor they were, Just as you did in your first stanza. A good poem. Acouple of misspells but the rest is good.

[RougeAngel]

there really is no right or wrong way to write a poem. it can be free verse or it can rhyme! or it can be like 2 words...lol. well done sweetie! i like it!!!!