Alone

A wee poem I wrote when I was going through a rough time.

Her eyes.. They were not the same,
Clouded with despair and purple rings which indicated she lacked rest,
Though if she was to close her eyes, What would she she?
What would her pitiful mind conjure again?
Only one thing she knew for sure was it was going to be those memories,
That seemed to pass her by like a cool summer's breeze.
Oh how she would lay in bed for hours and still hear that voice,
Beckoning her to come closer,
But that was lost now,
Somewhere enveloped deep in her delusions,
Her eyes fluttered closed over her hazel iris's,
She could still hear, taste and even smell the familiar presence which now seemed to be right behind her, Whispering to her, encouraging her to turn around and meet her fate,
As her eyes fluttered open again revealing her golden orbs she turned to face him,
Feeling only tears of hatred and torment fill her eyes,
He wasn't there anymore.

Reviews

[Bare trees]

I think the lines could be condensed more. Some are a little too long. For instance: Her eyes.. They were not the same,
Clouded with despair and purple rings which indicated she lacked rest,

Her eyes were clouded by purple rings and despair.
Had they rested, what would she see?

This is a sad one full of haunting despair and disappointment. With some revising, I think it would be a little easier to read.

[Inject Positivity]

I think there is a painful story written in poetic form in this poem....I loved the style...Good job frnd....Thumbs up!!!!!

[alifeacoustic]

Beautifully captured ghost of memories, playing without permission in your mind. Thank you for sharing this.

[Niámh McCormack]

Thank you, much appreciated. I haven't written anything recently as my laptop is broken. I lack motivation also.

[just another mac withou..]

oh wow! brilliantly written and the sadness is painted to perfection

[Niámh McCormack]

Thank you very much

[Siegfried]

Seems more prose than poetry. Nicely written. Soft desperation bathed in sincerity.

Should add on to this...

[Niámh McCormack]

Thank you, Haven't really got round to writing as of late, I'd love to add to this but I don't know how I possibly could :O

[Rm]

Lots of suspense in this. I like it, great job!

[Niámh McCormack]

Thank you very much , Don't get many compliments so I appreciate it very much. :)

[Rm]

Your welcome:)

[An owl on the moon]

Such a powerful, dark music moves through your words... the pain flows so fiercely... one can taste it... I truly do hope that these shadows are far behind you now, dear Niámh....

[Niámh McCormack]

Thank you, My first review :) And yes they are, thank you for your comment :)

[An owl on the moon]

Ah, I so hope your words will soon be covered in reviews like soft rain... Have a beautiful new week, my friend... :)

[Niámh McCormack]

Hahaha probably not, but thank you, You too :)

[An owl on the moon]

Smiling.. you never know! And I found it wondrous that a novel I just sent to publishers has a main character named Queen Niámh... :)

[Niámh McCormack]

Hahaha really? that's awesome, Most people can't even pronounce it haha :)

[An owl on the moon]

Well.. I can't say I'm pronouncing it right! I promise I'll find out... :D