BLACKBERRY PIE

BLACKBERRY PIE

A Story by Norman223


 

Blackberry pie was nearly the downfall of Jack Reynolds when he attended the Annual Staff dinner.

He knew that he was being considered for the post of Public Relations Manager and the terse request from the Personnel Executive that he should give a short speech praising the current manager, who was about to retire, gave him the confidence that his own promotion to the post was imminent.

He prepared a suitable eulogy that did not contain any reference to the pomposity of
the man, but also carefully avoided the traditional sycophantic remarks , which was
the usual trademark of these occasions. In short , he felt it was a perfect Public
Relations exercise that offended no-one.

Sitting at the top table flanked by the wives of the Chief Executive and the Public
Relations Manager he prudently limited his alcohol intake, to make sure that he
avoided any gaffes, as the two women became more voluble and even flirtatious
in their conversation.

The meal had reached the dessert stage, and the choice was between a sickly looking
gateau or blackberry pie, which, gastronomically, seemed to be the better choice .
It was, except for the fact that Jack had a full upper denture.
Some of the pips obligingly lodged behind the plate, which was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. 
He would have liked to leave the table and remove them, but the Chairman was already on his feet and announcing "And now, Jack Reynolds would like to say a few words."

A small round of applause greeted him and he knew that this was not the moment to make excuses, giving the impression that he had forgotten his notes or was losing his nerve. He decided to use mind over matter and disregard the discomfort.
As he started to speak, the seeds caused a lack of suction under the dental plate
and, as he stressed the word "Thank……, his tongue pressed against his top teeth
and the denture shot forward, making him look as though he was baring his teeth - not the effect required in the circumstances.


He tried to flick the denture back with his upper lip and it twisted sideways - he couldn't speak - he struggled to find his handkerchief, dropped his notes, bent forward to pick them up and promptly started to hyperventilate., getting more and more red in the face.
By his time, some of the audience suspected that this was a theatrical introduction, and were convulsed.

The Chief Executive's wife, however, assuming that he was choking, suddenly jumped up and without any inhibitions , threw her arms around him from behind and gave him a mighty squeeze.
This was the final straw for the errant denture - it popped out and landed on to the empty plate, just as the official photographer took a picture.. As Jack collapsed into his chair, the laughter and applause exploded, led by the Chief Executive and the PR Manager.

Realising that this was a “make or break” situation, Jack removed the handkerchief from his breast pocket and used it to discreetly retrieve the denture. He then turned his back to the hysterical audience, replaced it, turned to face the Chief Executive’s wife and gave her a polite bow.

This was returned by her with a big grin and a an exaggerated curtsey. She then leaned over to her husband and whispered in his ear.

He gave a snort of laughter, stood, tapped his glass with a spoon for silence and addressed the gathering.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I would now ask Jack Reynolds as the new PRO Elect to resume his address before formally accepting the position, as he has adequately proved that he is well qualified to get his teeth into the job.”

 

 



© 2017 Norman223



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Reviews

A very well written and funny story, Norman!

This normally happens when someone has a little too much to drink to calm the nerves. I never thought a harmless piece of Blackberry pie could cause such commotion! And he got the job! So all's well that ends well.

A very humourous piece. Well Done.

Posted 9 Months Ago


Haha - magic Norman!!
Too funny.
He showed he was able to keep it together (with a woman's help).
I can definitely relate in part, as one who once sneezed a crown at terminal velocity half way across a nightclub floor
You're a card N.
xD


Posted 10 Months Ago


Norman223

10 Months Ago

Thanks Tony. I personally had the experience of having a "clip on" bow tie fall into my dessert, w.. read more
This is wildly funny. The last line just added more icing to the cake. Still chuckling. Valentine Great tale.

Posted 10 Months Ago


Norman223

10 Months Ago

Thank you Valentine. Look after your teeth or save up for implants, I say.
Norman
Hilarious! I rarely laugh out loud, but this time I really did. My pets are gathered around me, wondering what just happened, that I'm making so much noise (I'm usually quiet, living here alone). This is a classic piece. The Heimlich maneuver really cinched it for me. Your writing is so playful & hilariously understated, maintaining a hoity-toity tone thru-out the maniacal descriptions! You've really outdone yourself this time. I love the way you sink your teeth into every write! (By the way, I remember how my mom would complain about berries & her dentures! I'm blessed to still have all my chompers!) Thanks for the laughter, now I'll go change my britches.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Norman223

1 Year Ago

Please apologise to your pets for me. Thanks also for such a quick and full response B. I'm really.. read more

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Added on March 28, 2016
Last Updated on January 11, 2017

Author

Norman223
Norman223

Essex UK, United Kingdom



About
At the age of 86, I use the challenge of writing, as an optimistic attempt to delay senility. I prefer humour, as while I can still laugh, I feel that I'm succeeding. more..

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