Proving Myself Wrong Is Proving the World Wrong

As only five I was alone.

I was okay with that though,

Because I had imagination

That would guide my way.

But even my imagined friends

Couldn’t help me get through  

“Normality.”

Of course now that I’m older

I know normality is meaningless.

But as a kindergartener who didn’t fit in…

It seemed like the end of the world.

Because I couldn’t play patty cake.

It confused me.

I never tried to learn any of those games

Because every time I tried the world stopped.

Just so it could stare, point its finger and laugh.

I never understood why I was so different.

I just knew I was.

So I developed this form of perfectionism,

Where everything had to be perfect

And if wasn’t…

Than I was the worst person in the world.

By first grade had ran up to my mom screaming and crying

Because once every year, ONCE, I had gotten my card moved.

So instead of green I was yellow.

I never made it to red.

But because I wasn’t green,

I wasn’t good…

Well that must have meant I was the worst person in the world.

And I truly thought that.

So eventually mistake after mistake.

I learned this tactic

Where it would be perfect or it would be pointless.

Dumb tactic I know but it’s the way I thought for years.

So if I was getting C’s in a class, then why bother.

So eventually I gave up.

And this isn't the way to live because perfection doesn't exist.

It’s even less real than your imaginary friends.

And it’s something I have to fight every day.

Because I had teachers who screamed

I had substitutes who told me “I was stupid and going nowhere in life.”

I had “friends”, but friends always had E N D.

So as they slithered on talking about my imperfections I took away f r i

And then I was done.

However, this made me even more insecure.

Because for me I was never handicapped when it came to my looks

It was always my personality.

Because there only reason to bully me

Was that I annoyed them.

Because apparently that’s a logical reason.

And all this got to me so I had to prove them all wrong.

And I did.

I even proved myself wrong.