Childhood

I was unwanted from the day I was born.I know my birth destroyed my parents marriage, my temperament as an infant destroyed my mother's already fragile mental stability. I have always been wrong .First , the wrong gender then  the wrong size ,wrong personality , wrong intelligence, wrong , just wrong . My mother honestly didn 't even try to hide her feelings for me .Beside the beatings there were the words . The words that everyone knows hurt more than anything coming from a mother. Awuthule wena, ukhuluma khakulu simply meaning " Shut up , you talk too much! "  "You fat , disgusting little girl you 're pathetic.Nobody wants to be your friend , because you're annoying.You are so stupid and stop being so weird and maybe the teasing will end . I hate you .I wish you had never been born. At the age of 3 years, my mother left me locked in at the flat we rented out at Hillbrow for three days. I was naked and unfed when the police found me and put me in foster care , eventually I was sent to my grandmother and back to my mother at some point. This is my earliest childhood memory, completely naked , hungry and scared .