Broken Empire

The start of what could be a good story, about my six fictional heroes. It might be pretty bad but I'd love any proof reading and advice about writing my story.

The City of Mier

The city sits along the banks of the western sea, an expansive canvas of blue, stretching out until the eye could not be willed to see more.  The city itself, was created on 10 hills, each with a large temple to one of the 9 gods, and the final and highest hill is home to the palace.  The message is clear, and the palace, which is formed out of sand stone imported from the desert many kilometers in the southern reaches of the kingdom.  For this reason it is commonly referred to as the Golden Palace There are two exits in and out of the city, one is south on the seastone road, whilst the other is north.  Each is guarded by a gate house, on large soaring arch of an excess of 25 meters, houses the portcullis, which comes down in front of the gate.  The gate itself is a massive and beautiful  structure, it acts as a large wooden door, opening into the city.  The wood is a dark oak, reinforced with thick strips of iron every meter down the gate.  The walls as well as the gate house are lined with battlements, every 5 battlements there is a large flag.  Upon which, was a golden crown above the head of a green hawk, this all infront a field of white. The sigil was that of the ruler and their lineage: The Noble House: Massierine.  Inside the city walls are the 9 smaller hills forming a semicircle around the largest hill in the center, where what would have been the other side of the circle is the waterfront.  Lined with cheap taverns, brothels, and shops it is easy accessible to the sailors who have come with ships from all over to trade their wares.  Closer to the palace, are more expensive and respectable taverns, as well as being the location where the general market lies.  Around each lesser hill are a respectable amount of taverns and shops, in the lowland between, are the homes of the commoners, around the walls are slums where the people are constantly covered in mud, s**t, and smell as if bathing was not in their vocabulary.  Thieving and fights were rampant and the city watch made no move to stop them, these people were in every city, but that didn't mean they had to risk themselves to deal with them.   

The political situation right now is extremely dangerous, the king died in his sleep leaving only his infant son to take up the throne.  His widowed wife was quite popular among the people, and the loss was felt deeply among all of them, in the son’s young age the mother was ruling as queen regent.  

Each of the characters arrive in an expensive tavern near the palace, wishing to relax, and enjoy a night of high living, their coin purse full form escorting a trade caravan from the bandit infested south to Meir, where the journey ended.  

The tavern is made out of a light birch wood, with a high ceiling of about 8 meters, the mouth wetting smell of roasting pork, fresh vegetables, and some sort of squid soup is wafting back out from the kitchen.  It has been a light night, so there are only a few visitors, and the tavern master looks up greedly when the group enters the establishment.

He leads them over to a big table in the western facing corner of the tavern with a view of the harbor and the waterfront, night is coming quickly and the sun is setting, reflecting off the water which has been quite still as all ships seem to be in for the night.  

After paying for a nights stay, and food, they sit down.  A whole hog, with a fresh apple in its mouth, so savering looking green soup, with squid in it, and a cage of ale is brought over and the group starts to eat.  

10 City Guards burst through the door and points at  Mangus Storm.  You and your friends will come with me, the queen wishes and audience. Typically Magnus wouldn’t just come with these guards, he had spent a large portion of his early life as a thief, who constantly would steal, murder, and generally cause a pain for these exact type of guards which stood before him.  Yet as he looked to his 5 other friends he doubted they wanted to have to leave this city in a hurry, and most had their weapons out of reach anyways.  

Magnus strom had just turned 17 two weeks ago and was the youngest of the group by far, he stood just under five foot ten inches.  His unnaturally stark white hair was messy, but looked clean and kept besides that, the rest of his look left him the most distinguished character of his small party.  His eyes were a cold blue, and one could almost see the cunning and wit behind them, this framed by his face which with thin, his cheekbones high and distinct, his skin looked as if it would be cold to touch and the rest of his body looked like it didn’t lack the sharpness of his face.  He was slightly built, but surprisingly very strong, typically his dress was that that of a a green and black tunic, and his cloak was a a deep blue, so dark it could be perceived as black in the shifting light of the tavern.  

Magnus gestured to the group, “Well i guess we have no choice.”

Author's Note

What do you think? Just taste, I am still working on it so anything at all you could add will be helpful, and don't hold back. If you think its "too mean" say it anyway because i legitimately want to know how I could improve.