Employed By Her

Imagine.........She Actually Employed Me. My Emotions Labour To Keep Her Satisfied.

My time is permanently occupied

My mind works hard at a job which breaks my heart

And as no-one gets paid there is no compensation for this destruction

Lawyers 4 u cant guarantee a quote for this

So deeply woven into my being

Removing its essence would turn me from an intricate parchment

Into singular pieces of string each more insignificant than the last

So that makes me her broken glass

I can no longer hold her Love

She pours herself into someone else's cup

And my individual shards only puncture the feet of her future

So to walk with me literally at her feet is more of a

Pain

An inconvenience

A Struggle

Which makes my presence a slow running tap that does no harm now but will lead to

Glaciers melting, Oceans rising and Freak changes in Global Temperatures

For Her to take another path would leave me wanting with no goal

And I don't want to be a waste of time and space or a bum I should say so I occupy my being with thoughts of her

Now thats a dangerous job

More dangerous than that of a terrorist

As my work is never done

I may never be redundant

And my mental hold is killing us both

Its draining me as I am unable to let go

I'm looking down and I see a dark icy crevasse

Ridden with frostbite and lined with Death

So I hold on tighter

Only By My Hands 

My Feet  D    G

             A     L

             N     E

Unsupported

And shes above me

Holding Me

Barely

Fingertips

She never looks at my face

But shows me her back

But shes still holding on

Barely 

I find comfort in the fact

She finds despair in the same

She will never pull me up

Ever

But I promised to never let go

Limbo

Opposites attract but that doesn't necessarily mean that your going to go somewhere

It doesn't mean that your right for each other

That your doing the right thing

It just means that they attract

I begin To hate myself

Again and again I know what I should do

And shes told me a thousand times

But Ive somehow covered my ears while my hands have been occupied with holding on

So she says nothing now

I need to let go

But my heart beats so loud its blocking signals from my brain

My brain knows I should have let go a long time ago

My brain knows its worthless being here

My brain knows that if I stay I'm going to go crazy

So out of its own permission

It sends signals to my hands to open

But as the signals leave to reach liberation

My Heart Beats

I open my eyes and I'm still here looking down into nothing

Holding onto nothing

Now this job may be bleak but it has one fringe benefit

Hope

I'm dangling with barely any support

Got an empty crevasse beneath me

And an employer who is in need to fire me above

My body screams in pain

My mind cries in frustration

My heart beats with LOVE

Even if the crevasse contained all I'll even need and want in life

Including someone who will support me and pull me up

And treat me with Love

I still wont let go

My Heart is way too LOUD

And until I zone out

I'm going to stay employed

Barely 

But still employed

I hate my job 

Author's Note

Please Be As Honest And Frank As Possible. I Need To Hear FULL Criticism

Reviews

[Devons]

The grasp of language here is rather good: both in grammar and in clarity. The strength and sincerity voiced through imagery and emotion is also quite polished.
"So that makes me her broken glass
I can no longer hold her Love
She pours herself into someone else's cup
And my individual shards only puncture the feet of her future"
...The above passage is an exceptional example of this.
The conceptual metaphor of this forlorn love affair in terms of a job of work is rather effective; and, in a strange and ironic way, amusing.
Obviously, this is a prose poem, but in places it is rather too prosaic in terms of poetry: some of the lines (especially the first stanza) are a little too long, I feel, to sit nicely in the reader's mind. They read more like sentences than lines. From what you told me I believe that your work is designed to be 'spoken word'; and in this sense I suppose the readability would rather depend on the speaker when read aloud... In this case, the lines in question might not seem so wordy. But to a reader they certainly are. For the most part -where the lines are shorter- the flow and pace of the poem is fine and works well, but that flow is depreciated somewhat by the lengthier ones. It is of course up to the writer how this problem is addressed, but either they might be re-written or broken-up. This would also be friendlier on the eye of the reader, which is just as important, I think.
Overall, though, this is a good piece of work, with entertaining flourishes of language and imagery, as well as a depth of intelligence and feeling.

PS. there is just one small error: in the last two lines of the first stanza "into" and "To" at the end and beginning of those respective lines.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the style of writing. The flow of the story and the description made the poem a pleasure to read. I like how you used the language to make your point. I like many of the statements made in the poem. I like the ending. This is a outstanding poem. Took me on a emotional ride.
Coyote

[Amit Parmessur]

You write well.
I often browse the site here looking for talented voices, for the new magazine Golden Apple, of which I am one of the editors.

If you wish to be published in our future issues have a look at us:

http://goldenappleezine.blogspot.com/2010/10/submissions.html

We publish mostly poems and very short stories. There are no restrictions on style and subject matter as long as nothing offends.

Regards

[Goodbye]

Combs - this is amazing, beautiful, tortured in the sense of knowing exactly what's happening, but believing hasn't caught up yet, being raveled up in the sweet drama of it all.

i found this to be very creative in how it's written, and I can hear it as spoken word with all dramatic effect it so richly deserves. Excellence!

[.]

Devon's really summed it up there..I expected this to be spoken word..its a long piece but it's riveting!..I agree that just for readability purposes it would be better if the it was broken down a little..This would be spectacular spoken, it's heartfelt, tragic ..you catch the emotion wonderfully..I hope you have a new employer, business and pleasure never work..LOL