Mother, Mother

Mother:

Mother, mother, 

did you hear?

Mother, mother, 

I’m right here!

My eyes are closed so I can’t see, 

But i hear you talking and it comforts me. 

Mother, mother, 

I cant talk, 

But I sure think an awful lot. 

Mother, mother, 

What is that? 

I do not like the taste of it. 

Mother, mother, 

please no more, 

I’m not growing like I should. 

Mother, mother, 

please listen to me, 

the air you breath is what I need, 

The food you eat and the drinks you drink, 

all come down here to me, 

& when you make the choices you do, 

it doesnt only affect you, 

Mother, mother, 

it affects me too!

Why wont you listen?

Youre hurting me, 

I feel like i’m drifting. 

Mother, mother, 

I have to say goodbye, 

God wants me back this time, 

But He said it’d be okay, 

Because this will help you in a way. 

Mother, mother, 

I wish you the best, 

I’m leaving now, 

God wants me to rest, 

he said this is just a test, 

and one day you’ll be my mother again, 

So mother, mother,

Please listen to him!

Reviews

[The dark story]

Oh my God! It is such a touching poem. You carved out such an innocent and emotional story from your words. The diction is simple and innocent just like a baby, unknown to the extravagance of the world outside. I loved it so much. Thanks a lot for sharing.

[OhSnapShley]

This was a hard topic to write about. It saddens me to see these type of things play out in real life. Thanks for your feedback. & Im glad you you loved it. (:

[The dark story]

It is indeed a hard to express the sentiments and feelings in a manner as pure as it should be justified.

[The dark story]

Not an easy task. Hope the message here travels the world. Well done. Will be a pleasure to read more of

[FIN]

Well done, Ms Ashley.

The repetition of the word "mother" I feel strengthened the bond between the unborn child and her mother, even if the child is solely speaking out to herself.

I love the gentleness of the describing words you chose to express (such as a child would use).

The progression of the story is nice, flowing from upwards to downwards into the child's position ever more of being within the womb: starting at the mother's ears, voice; to the babies mind, then to the child's stomach; and finally to the realization of the baby drifting away, back to God.

I enjoyed the positive ending; it kept the whole of the piece endearing, even if the subject is typically a heart-wrenching one.

Well done, really; I enjoyed it.

Much love,

LR

[Sikandar Khan]

Nice Poem......................

[OhSnapShley]

Thanks.......... lol

[Sikandar Khan]

Welcome....

[D Connolly]

This starts out so sad, but the ending is so forgiving and comforting that a mother who wasn't ready at one point in her life might get another chance in the future. Thank-you for that thought...

[OhSnapShley]

That was the most important part. While she couldn't hear her child pleading with her, she knows what and why it happened and hopefully that alone is enough for it not to happen again. Thank you for your review.
-OhSnap

[Najam Us Saher]

Truly heart touching poem. The repetition of the word 'mother, mother' is so effective like a child is pleading to be heard.

[OhSnapShley]

If only the mothers in this situation could hear those pleading words! Thanks for the review.

-OhSnap

[Njeri Brooks]

Miscarriage is such a hard topic.

No one likes talking about it, and it can be blatantly depressing.

However, you did a nice job with telling it from the perspective of the baby. Even though it was very sad, I thought the loss of the baby would be a lesson severed like a cold splash to the mom.

It seems as if the mom was either drinking or smoking while pregnant...

Overall, it had a very true message in it. I'm glad I read it because it really moved my heart.💓

[OhSnapShley]

A very hard one indeed. Thank you for your kind words. This was about a mother drinking while pregnant and losing her baby because of her choices, if only she could hear the baby's pleas.

[The Exiled Wolf]

I almost cried when I scrolled to the end of this piece. It starts warm and comforting, but it turns dark in the end...And despite the sad theme you didn't forget your rhymes and shape of the piece...
This is an excellent work!

[OhSnapShley]

Thanks so much for the compliment. It is a tough thing to write about. But im glad you enjoyed it, even though it is very sad.

[The Exiled Wolf]

It is a sad issue indeed.But writing this out is a meaningful act, just to make sure no one ever do this again...

[JoeM]

I rather enjoyed this.
Very original.

[OhSnapShley]

Thanks Joe!