Be Correct

God, can't you just see it

Ohh the pretentious laughs

And the dribble drabble of minty fresh breath

The world is translucent

But who cares?

God, I'm tired

Tired of speaking

back and forth

through ancient air waves

what's so great?

jibber jabber

on the front porch

With the quilted women

her lips tucked

I saw a rainbow

ohhh some days

ago

maybe it was today

And the weary men

bent down and prayed

for the colors in the sky

You don't see right

shapes are too disturbing

and the curvy figures of people

aren't very fair

sir

aren't very fair, sir

Reviews

[dan]

Olivia, Your overall writing and your use of imagery is top notch. This seems like it is about a person who is basically world weary, tired of all the things that don't agree with the person. You seem to be speaking to mostly men ("...the weary men bent down and prayed...") and ("...aren't very fair sir aren't very fair, sir.") It seems as if an incident involving a male in your life has wronged you in some way, and maybe what you are tired of is your feelings of anger and resentment. I may be way off but that's what I see. And I see a very well-written piece. take care...dan

[Olivia]

When I was writing this I didn't really think about what I was trying to say directly.
But I think you are a right, maybe my subconscious was focusing on when a guy wronged me.
Thanks for the review!

[dan]

My pleasure. dan

[Beccy]

Sometimes it's good to stand back and take stock; to reflect that to bend with the wind is one thing, to surrender to the storm is another, We are who we are, and should not change simply to accommodate the wishes or needs of another.

You have vision beyond your tender years.

Beccy.

[Olivia]

Thank you so much for the kind review1

[A Glow in the Pit of My..]

I just truly love this. Can't find the words for it.

[Olivia]

I really appreciate you reading and reviewing my stuff!
Thank you

[W.k.kortas]

The use of repetition be it in devices ("dribble drabbel" and "jibber jabber") or as in the final stanza is pitch-perfect. This work is a wonderful example of insight into the hows and whys of how we as people think and act combined with an impressive commnad of the language and the ability to play around with it. This is very, very impressive work.

[Olivia]

thanks for the kind review and for taking time to read it

[Gerry Legister]

A real look at shapes and sizes and colors in this imagery filled work, excellent portrayal

[Olivia]

thank you so much!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the shapes of people today?
out of shape...the colors in the sky seem really distant.
life is disturbing and love is weary of how we have trashed it to feel hate.
we may write love poems, but are we living them?

[Olivia]

Thank you for reading and analyzing my poem.
I really admire your work and it's very nice to get this review.

[Jamestown]

Well written piece, the last stanza is terrific! Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Olivia]

thank you!