In Trust I Trusted

In Trust I Trusted

A Poem by Omikron
"

As always, not satisfied, but I still hope you enjoyed!

"

Bones to bones
Figures of clay
Crafted by Gods
Were we

In the chambers of hearts
Sleeps a choking desire
Beneath polished skin
Is greed

A human frame
With the face of an angel
My blood you boiled
Like tea

In trust I trusted
Lord knows I did
Like the sailor trusts
The sea

Prisons you built
With these pillars of trust
Thousands of doors
No key

In trust I trusted
Seduced by my sin
All I learned was how
To bleed





© 2017 Omikron



Author's Note

Omikron
Picture by Pyrogas-Artworks at DeviantArt!

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Reviews

Both the form and content are to be commended. It blooms like a rose in a thicket of thorns. May the rose ever bloom.

Posted 1 Month Ago


"A human frame
With the face of an angel
My blood you boiled
Like tea"

I just love how it was an effortless gliding between light and darkness, hope and despair. So beautiful.

Posted 6 Months Ago


' Prisons you built ~ With these pillars of trust ~
Thousands of doors ~ No key .. '

This seems to be only a few finely metered words BUT they say so very much. You're near damning trust for the weakness it can be; emotions battered, confidence drowned in the realisation that nothing is certain. Perhaps?

This has such a rawness to it, yet.. your word play is fragile..

Posted 8 Months Ago


The bars and rhymes are neat, and your word choice is dusty, with traces of seduction in it. Fantastic breath while reading, and environment is stark, with traces of dark impressions throughout. Polished and almost bitter. Well penned...

Posted 11 Months Ago


The imagery and the smooth flow of word made me so anxious to keep reading great job!

Posted 11 Months Ago


Omikron

11 Months Ago

Thank you!

// O
Wow..This is absolutely perfect. Wonderful imagery and this got me into deep. Great write!
Sometimes trusting is very difficult and to have that faith even after getting hurt on the trust itself is something really incredible. In trust I trusted- I really liked this line a lot. Great punch line at the end. Fabulous write, Omikron. Every stanza is amazing.

Posted 12 Months Ago


Omikron

12 Months Ago

I am beyond touched by your review, thank you for the kind words, and I am happy you enjoyed the poe.. read more
Joey Nizz

11 Months Ago

great words of depth
Yeah, I totally get this. Good work O.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Omikron

12 Months Ago

Thank you Papaya!

// O
Round of applause! I loved the first stanza and the feeling just grew with each line. I really enjoyed the imagery.

Thanks for sharing,
-OhSnap

Posted 1 Year Ago


Omikron

1 Year Ago

Thank you for reading and reviewing, much appreciated! Looking forward to read some of your works to.. read more
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Great title! Superb opening and closing stanzas, your word choices are image filled. Thought provoking read, it feels like the fall out...and the emotional price is the greatest harm where one loses themselves....I enjoyed this. Starzy

Posted 1 Year Ago


Omikron

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much for reviewing, Starzy! Glad you liked it.

// O
Critique: I enjoyed the avant-garde style of your writing but the sentence structure detracts from the story so I offer this edit restructuring

Bones to bones
Figures of clay crafted by Gods were we
In the chambers of hearts sleeps a choking desire
Beneath polished skin Is greed
A human frame with the face of an angel
My blood you boiled like tea
In trust I trusted lord knows I did
Like the sailor trusts the sea
Prisons you built With these pillars of trust
Thousands of doors without a key
In trust I trusted seduced by my sin
And all I learned was how to bleed

Posted 1 Year Ago


Bear

12 Months Ago

So right you are some people life a life time and fail to learn that :~)
Bear

12 Months Ago

and the hard drive is working fine, losing my book marks and having to reinstall all the writing pro.. read more
Omikron

12 Months Ago

Well, isn't technology just fantastic? ;) Hope it works out for you my friend, and I do hope that yo.. read more

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473 Views
14 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on January 9, 2017
Last Updated on January 9, 2017
Tags: Trust, Blood, Horror, Thriller, Story, Telltale, Like, Love, Fresh, Frehfinds, January, Start, Sleep, Dark, Eerie, Scary, Fiction, Broken, Heartbreak, Depression

Author

Omikron
Omikron

Sweden



About
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