A Glass Disk (best, 2016 - lol)

Poem I wrote for a class, assignment was to write a poem of a portrait, I thought that was lame and opted to put a spin on it.

A glass disk

revolves around the centre

of a dimly lit room

 

It is dark

but the mirror throws around refractions

like birdseed

from a burlap sack

 

The light paints the walls and ceiling

 

Aurora borealis

across the hardwood

 

At the centre

and with each revolution

 

A picture is portrayed

 

A depiction of once past and now present

 

..

 

A young man

bent over a desk

 

A child

peering down a hole

in the ice

 

A furrow

knit into a brow

 

A boy

throwing stones

into a river

 

A bead of sweat

falling from a chin

 

A teenager

falling in love

with a girl

 

An instant tightening

at the jaw

 

..

 

The walls are alight

with the color

of an untold story

 

..

 

Scars laid over gnarled knuckles

 

birds on the breeze

 

A hand lined by labor

 

a whisper in an ear

 

Eyes downcast

 

a promise

broken by the naïveté of its maker

 

..

 

With a whir and a thrum

the rotating glass

slows to a hum

 

It gets quiet

and the echo lingers

like ripples

after a fallen drop

 

The silence resonates throughout the room

 

A footprint

across an untouched field of snow.

 

Or the scent of a candle made doubtful

of it's own innate ability to glow

Reviews

[Namyh]

Ookpik - This was a poetic kaleidoscope of life events presented with cinematic impact, invention and imagination. I loved it. Namyh

[Ookpik]

Namyh - Thank you for the kindly worded review :)

[Alice Poppy]

Three things.

"Aurora borealis across the hardwood" This is beautiful.

The imagery you make here is unbelievable.

You are amazing at this!!!

[Ookpik]

Thank you! I'm still working towards improvement but am happy that you liked it : P

[thaleeyaLuna]

This is a very nice poem! Thank you for sharing this. Though I don't know which portrait you used for this, I love the words you chose and the image you created with them, prompting the reader to use his/her own imagination. Great job!

[Ookpik]

Tbh the critique I got from the prof was that it was too abstract. My idea was that the portrait could be a mirror and if it were to spin on its axis you would see a portrait on one side and a history on the other. That being said I do like to write cryptically, not just to leave its interpretation to the reader's imagination but also because I simply like writing that way : P really glad you enjoyed it though, this is day two for me on this site and thus far I couldn't be happier : )

[thaleeyaLuna]

Well for me this was very creative. Paintings can be abstract too, after all. But it all depends on the viewer's perspective. :)

[Ookpik]

aha naw the assignment was to create a portrait using poetry, the painting was entirely imaginative

[Ookpik]

but thank you kindly :)

[thaleeyaLuna]

Oh right! You're very welcome.