The Girl Living In A Bottle

Some begged with her,

“Come back to reality!”

She replied: “Give me my keys, 

give them me!”

With a bob of her head,

And a small drunken fight,

She seized her keys,

And drove off in the night.

As she passed a man,

Facedown in a ditch,

It was apparent to her,

He’d made a hasty flight.

“What’s wrong?”

Asked the girl, to the man in the ditch,

“I’ve no friends nor family nor a place to stay,

The bottle I trusted has stole them all away!”

Came the reply, from the man in the ditch.

“Run young girl, while you still have a chance!

Throw that retched bottle, out of your hand!”

“No way old man!”

Said the girl with a start,

“But please hear me, 

Before we part,

Hear my plea,

Tis not a farce!”

She brushed him off,

Like her friends at the house,

Fleeing from there,

Like a scared little mouse.

Her name was in the news,

The very next day,

Found in a ditch,

Left alone to decay.

Author's Note

Some constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated!

Reviews

[Waqas Rabbani]

we all have demons
that prey inside
on our eternal
soul and mind

and we do let
them ravage, flay
our morals, hope
our dreams and faith.

yet know that still
hope ever lies
an inch away
just search inside

and you will find
the seeds of light
those shining bright
in darkness fight

to keep you sane
and keep you whole
and all we need
to really do

is look inside
and find that rope
that lets us lead
our paths away

from all the pain
and misery
that we allow
into our life.

[L Lopez]

I really like it. The way it is written feels light, but the subject matter is deep and heavy. It works well. Its a message that needs to be spread.

[EMF]

A good message, especially at this time of year. The poem though... It has an older world feel to it. Early twenthieth century. Real tight wording and structure. Not a word wasted. Well formed and good wordplay. Real nice write.

[Dayran]

Don't drink and drive. The outcome appears pretty certain. Nice write!

[J. J. Nightingale]

A Dark Tale of a Bottle .. Bottles can never be trusted .. they only take , they never give anything ..

Good Message here ...

Jasmine ..

[diaphanous]

this is really good! i like how the format is kind of like a nursery rhyme, even though the subject is dark.