Sins

She smiled, 

she laughed, 

she did everything,

perfection ran in her blood like wickedness runs in our minds,

but was that enough?

no, it was never enough,

not for her, or for them, or for me,

She cursed under the moonlight,

 and escaped her present.

The now she was living in,

took away her life,

She was choking, 

crying for help,

screaming for a rescue,

But like shouting into an amidst of darkness,

there was no reply,

No one heard her, 

no one wanted to hear her,

So she took the sinful rope,

and hung it on the base,

An escape, she thought,

perhaps then someone will hear my fragile voice,

begging for mercy,

The clock ticked, 

where is she?

She let go,

Her body crawled down,

but never hit the floor,

Banished were her quiet breaths,

her innocent thoughts, 

her endless pain,

But tears splurged down their cheeks,

staining their unfaithful lips,

The present haunted her,

Now, it’ll ruin them.

 

 

 

Author's Note

Hi! This is my first attempt at writing a poem- hope you enjoyed it! And please, leave reviews.

Reviews

[R. J. North]

I for sure liked the flow of it! Don't gravitate towards rhyme if you don't want to. It still sounds good. Whatever gets your thoughts across. I'd be curious to know, is it as straight forward as it seem? Did you write it about suicide or is there another intended meaning? Can't wait for future works! Keep it up!

[PandaPeaceful]

I'm happy you liked it! My initial thought concerning the poem was suicide. But it does have a much deeper meaning. The protagonist was someone who you would categorize as pure and shy. The poem shows how people can truly turn into beasts and plainly make your life miserable. My intention was to show how sometimes, there are no happy endings. The way ou interpret the story however, is completely up to you.

[pia]

Wonderfully worded. Rich with emotions and expressions
I feel you are talented enough to practice and improve on imagery and rhyme overtime
Can't wait to read more of your works

[PandaPeaceful]

I truly appreciate your review! You don't know how much your comment helps me improve both as a writer, and as a person. Have a lovely day!

[JaushWilson]

Dark, but very deep and impressive to me.
I generally write in rhyme schemes, it's just how I've always done it, but I loved this. Keep up the good work.

[PandaPeaceful]

Thank you! I'll be sure to check out some of your work as well.

[GeorgiaR]

Such lovely wording, and the ideas you bring up are very moving! Keep it up! :) - Georgia

[PandaPeaceful]

Thank you!

[Hiteshi]

Really good and a sad poem I liked it keep it up.

[PandaPeaceful]

Thanks you! I really appreciate the comment.

[yuhee]

It's great for your first attempt. The flow, the words and the thought were all well expressed. Keep it up.

[PandaPeaceful]

Thanks, i'm learning and this review really encourages my work.

[sweetspicedgherkins]

Beautiful and captivating. A very nice piece of poetry

:) Sweetspicedgherkins

[PandaPeaceful]

Thank you!

[mum]

the short lines are nice I craved rhyme in this but over all it speaks volumes. its sad but beautiful.
good work.

[PandaPeaceful]

Thank you for the review- rhyme is something that i'm still working on.

[mum]

and it will come the more yout fall in love with poetry. :)

[PandaPeaceful]

Good to hear.

[Coyote Poetry]

You did very well. I liked the flow of thoughts. You create places, situation and struggle. I liked the honest ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[PandaPeaceful]

Thank you, for leaving a comment- it really boosts my work.

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.