Begin Again

Begin Again

A Story by Kathryn Smith

Wake up to sun


because morning does come.....



The month of March is one of my favorite months! Even though the weather is still comparable to Antarctica, and the world is dead and colorless, you can begin to feel the sun slowly warming everything up. You know that spring just might show up soon. (Then again, in Wisconsin it can snow in May sometimes.)


Either way I love March!


The smell of my Dad's famous Irish soda bread fills our house. (If I could find a candle that has that very scent I'd buy 100 of them!) 


Traditional Irish music blares on our speakers.


I start telling wide eyed children tales of mischievous leprechauns and watch them go on to create their own little green traps in hope for some gold.


St Patrick's Day is a huge holiday in my family. I am Irish on my Mother's side (The O'Bulgers) but the real reason why we celebrate the day isn't what you'd expect.


My Grandma was expecting a baby boy. That baby boy came feet first one day, so my Grandma was rushed to the hospital. In the ambulance Jerry was born. The ambulance driver congratulated my grandpa on the birth of his new son.


Later in the hospital, the ambulance driver congratulated grandpa again.


"Congrats to you and your new baby boy!"


"You already told me, thank you!"


"Mr. Spoerl, there is another one. You have twins."


The second baby was my father.


Because of the way my father's twin was born, he had severe cerebral palsy.


Despite his problems my dad and Jerry were best friends. They were inseparable. I've seen pictures and videos. Even though his life may have been tough I've been told my uncle was always smiling, usually happy.


Eventually at the age of 15, Jerry passed away.


My father won't admit it often, but my Grandmother said a part of my father died too. 


Interestingly enough, Jerry died on St Patrick's Day.


Every year the Spoerl Family throws a huge Irish dinner party to honor and keep my uncle's memory alive.


My father is my hero. He is such a strong and humble man. I always wondered how he had the strength after losing his brother. I'm lucky to be his daughter because I too suddenly had to find my own lost strength in March of 2013.


March 6th. I'll never forget that date. It is still so fresh in my mind.


I got a text from my best friend saying she had bad news. Megan was always a drama queen so I laughed it off, but replied asking what was wrong.


Hours passed. I didn't get a reply. I paced back and fourth in my bedroom knowing something was very wrong. Our home phone rang.


After a while, there was a knock on my door and my mom came in. She sat down next to me on my bed.


March 6th is the date I learned Megan had terminal cancer and didn't have much time left at all.


I cried. I cried for hours. I think I got the tears out of my system that night because I didn't cry during her funeral the following month, while everyone around me completely lost it.


I was one of Megan's only friends. She had special needs and people were awful to her in school. I didn't care that she was different. She was human just like the rest of us.


The thing that frustrates me the most is people seem to view those with special needs as robots who don't have feelings.


Some seem to think the people who are different should be hidden away or banished. Look at our past and our society. Have you ever seen anyone with special needs regularly on the cover of a magazine?


Really.


Think about it!


One would think I would hate the month of March, but I love it.

I see it as a month of celebration. A time when we should cherish one another and enjoy the life we are lucky enough to have.


In March I was once devastated with lost hope.


So was a 15 year old boy.


The best part about being in pieces is when you pick up that very last shard of yourself, it is a triumph. It's a realization that you were stronger than you thought all along.


I wish I could go back in time and be there for the boy who lost his twin brother.


I would tell him that everything would be alright, because the strength he didn't quite know he had yet, would be carried on and given to his future daughter.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouSiCn6PkOs



Drive away to something new
watch the skyline sink behind you and



Begin Again


Kathryn Spoerl's photo.

© 2015 Kathryn Smith


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Added on February 21, 2015
Last Updated on February 21, 2015
Tags: Friendship Famiy March Begin Aga