Grown

You didn't want me, it took too long
 

You didn't want me and now I'm gone
 

It's funny how the tables turn and I'm sitting back and watching you burn

About time that I let you know

you blew it years ago

Boy you missed the boat

Can't get with me now I'm

G r o w n

I was sitting in my bedroom late at night and my mother appeared in the doorway.  She had a look on her face I hadn't seen in a while.

Whenever a boy was at the house asking for me, she got a certain look.

A look of giddiness and nervousness.

Panic and what almost looked like fear or embarrassment.

Tonight, an ex boyfriend was standing downstairs in the doorway.

He was one of those boys who used me. A boy who wasn't very good news, who my mother never liked from the beginning.

He was someone who didn't want a relationship but wanted to act like we were in one.

I hadn't spoken to him in two years and had sort of forgotten about him.

But there he was...standing in my house, sweating and looking very jumpy.

He informed me he was getting married...and then he went into how he proposed.

Why was he here?

Why was he doing this?

He went on to talk about how he was working out, and how he loved cows.

It was all very weird...

He wanted to reconnect and the kicker was he didn't remember my name.

How do you not remember someone's name but remember where she lives?

How could he forget my name?

As he left I sat scratching my head.

I didn't know how to feel.

Back in 2013 it took me a long time to heal from his knife marks in my back.

In the end his silence was so loud.

His abandonment with no exclamation was the worst.

I was so proud of myself for not caring he was getting married...yet it was also a punch in the face.

I have this weird fear of being alone forever, and never finding anyone who will love me.

Half of the people I graduated from high school with are married already.

I pushed my usual cruel thoughts away and celebrated my win.

When a girl realizes her worth, she emerges from rubble.

When she damn well knows how she should be treated, she is as tall as the sky.

When she realizes what a boy is, VS a man her entire world changes.

It is a liberation.

People think he visited me because he still liked me a lot and didn't want to go through with the marriage.

If any boy I have ever been with in the past wanted to reconnect, it would be too late.

Far too late.

Boys are not for Women.

Boys are for Girls.

The girl I was back then has lived and learned.

She has changed.

Best of all,

She has grown.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree.
"If any boy I have ever been with in the past wanted to reconnect, it would be too late.
Far too late.
Boys are not for Women.
Boys are for Girls. "
I learn second chances do not work. Too much luggage coming with. Thank you Kathryn for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Abhigyan]

"........And grown up to be a loving and beautiful and .......most importantly a Mature WOMAN...."
(This is my SUGGESTION as a supposed ending :-), so don't take it seriously)

BTW, nice artwork of words, keep it UP!!! Miss hopeless Romantic :-P

P.S. - Is it REAL???

[dan]

Kathryn, Your story mad me think of the saying, "Youth is wasted on the young." You are so right, IMHO. Boys and girls learn the basics about relationships but are mostly too young and immature to grasp the MEANING of those basics. High school sweethearts sometimes last for a lifetime but maturity makes each of us how to recognize when it's time to toss all toys aside and play like grown-ups. Which is a LITTLE easier...just a little. A very nice story told...so glad you let the situation with your ex die on the vine. take care...dan

[Sally Hope]

Such a lovely piece. It's short, to the point, without any deviation, and that's what hits the message home so hard. Thanks for sharing. Good job.

[ANTO]

for me the meat and potatoes are here in these four lines -
"Why was he here?
Why was he doing this?
He went on to talk about how he was working out, and how he loved cows.
It was all very weird..."

my cringe-glands were wobbling after this part - because of how well you painted the scene.
Nicely done.

[Jennifer]

very well written.. nice job

[KittyKatgirl]

This is a great poem and story and has a great message. I enjoyed reading this great job and keep up the great work :)