The Last

The evil it spread like a fever ahead

March 6th, 2012. 

A text:

I have the worst news ever. When would be a good time to call you?

I giggled replying.

What's up?

No reply. 

You can call me now. I'm free!

She was always so funny. A drama queen.

Her brother probably ate her candy bar.

No reply.

Tick Tock.

Tick tock.

Tick tock .

TICK TOCK .

No reply.

Our home phone rings.

My mother answers.

She resorts to her bedroom.

The door is closed.

An hour later she opens my door.

She sits me down on my bed.

The girl with special needs to others, but normal to me..

Who I befriended taking my fathers advice in Jr High...

The one I had parties with, who I exchanged gifts with...

Who I protected from the bullies, who I stood up for..

The human being I shared secrets with and who I had little fights with..

Had tumors spreading in her spine.

They were so far advanced that there was no need for chemo.

So far advanced that my best friend was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Tears.

Tears.

More tears.

My mother embraced me.

Wails came out of my mouth. I broke.

In the course of an hour, our silent house heard each stage of grief flow out of my soul.

A book from my father was given to me.

His name, the date, and encouraging words.

The end of winter air knew.

The dead birch trees knew.

The woodland creatures knew.

The grey sky above knew.

And the news was sounded.

To teachers, to friends, to loved ones.

The florist was visited.

Flowers, a bear and balloon.

She came home from the hospital.

I visited her with a friend.

But more than anything I wanted to speak with her alone.

I had so many things to say.

So many things to ask.

But people

People

More people had the same idea.

April showed up and the weather was miraculously warm.

Her right side paralyzed, she sat in a wheel chair.

Outside we sat in the sun.

Chocolate cake. 

Confused trees. 

Happy birds chirping.

Wind.

My legs covered in goose bumps.

A last birthday party was thrown.

A wish was made.  

A cake from Buddy, the Cake Boss.

People.

People.

More people.

I looked in her eyes across the way.

But she grew angry and looked away.

Origami paper cranes are created.

Our goal was 1000.

We watch movies.

I stay by her side.

She's alert, but very tired.

Days flash by.

And we eat pizza and watch more television.

After a weekend away for another friend's birthday, I return home.

Saturday, the morning light is crystal blue and bright.

I skip downstairs and find my parents in the kitchen.

They have a look in their eyes and I know.

I frantically run to the window and look up to the sky.

She's gone.

She left the day before on Friday, April 13th.

Rush. Pain. Grief. Disbelief.

We fly to make 1000 paper cranes.

Success.

The wake.

She is sleeping in her casket.

Walking with the cranes I place each crane at her still feet.

The 1000th one I place in her hand.  

Her face is peaceful.

But her soul gone.

Pictures.

Tears.

People.

People

More people.

But not enough people this time.

Facebook.

I'm furious.

Livid.

Her face is all over the place, like some kind of animal.

The bullies that hurt her post her obituary.

They claim to be her friend.

Bullshit. 

I was her only friend.

The funeral.

People cry.

My friends stand together holding hands.

Their eyes rivers.

But my eyes dry.

I shake, and I tremble, my sister touches my shoulder..but still I hold dry eyes.

Why?

We drive to the cemetery.

We walk on spring grass.

The gravestones glitter from the morning dew.

She is lowered to the ground.

Balloons are let go to the sky.

Soon they are fading dots.

I drop a white rose on her casket.

People turn around.

A dump truck appears.

My mother tells me not to watch.

But I do.

And to my horror dirt is carelessly dumped on my best friend.

We leave.

We go out for ice cream.

My black coat still smells of my perfume, my mourning and flowers.

My young 19 year old eyes are hopeless.

My heart lost and overwhelmed.

The world around me is somber.

And my blue ice cream tastes of ash.

I was the last one.

The last with her before the casket was closed forever.

The first to place the 1000th crane in her dead hand.

The first girl to befriend her.

The last girl to say goodbye.

4 years later and I drive out into the country to see her.

Down the long and curvy country road, the steeple greets me in view.

Though by the bushes and under the tree she is never there.

Just the stone she picked out herself, a shooting star, and butterflies.

I was the last to be with her and I'll always be the last to give up on our friendship.

Friends are forever. Even when you're gone.  

Had I known then what I know now, I would have been blown away by awe.

Love keeps us alive.

 

Author's Note

Reviews

[Sadie]

She sounded like she was a very special friend to you. A huge honour to write this in her name. Very nicely penned:)

[Anjali]

Another amazing piece of write-up! I loved the way you decided to honor your friend by expressing yourself through your writing. The anticipation you created really grabbed my attention to read in order to find out what happened.
Grand salute to your friendship.
Regards,
Anjali

[Tabby Mac]

This ripped my heart out. I'm glad you wrote this and shared it. I believe it helps those of us with grief. The reality of life although painful to read and even more painful to experience some how puts it into a perspective of acceptance. It doesn't make it easier...no.
Just relatable I guess, and in some way provides a hug if nothing else to both the reader and hopefully the writer.
Tabby

[Kathryn Smith]

Tabby thank you so much for this. In April it will have been 5 years. Very hard to believe! Writing this helped SO much! Thanks for the review. xxx

[aLittlePain]

I hope writing this was helpful in some way I hope it was healing/soothing. To honour a friend in love is a wonderful thing it speaks volumes to your character and the strength and bond of friendship. Deeply moving and honest. I can only respect this type of writing.
R xo

[Valentine]

I can fully understand your write and your grief. I pray writing this helps to let go of the sad and remember some of the sweet times you spent together. Valentine

[Rynn]

"The evil it spread like a fever ahead" - I like this line a lot, but I feel like I spent too much time reading it over because of it's lack of punctuation. I noticed that the rest of the piece does have some periods. If you intend to add punctuation, It would be easier to read it:

"The evil; it spread like a fever ahead"

This is purely a suggestion, but do keep consistency in mind. If you have punctuation, have it throughout the piece. If not, then don't have any whatsoever.

"It was night when you died my firefly" - Again, just a punctuation thing. ('It was night when you died, my firefly')

"The hospital asked should the body be cast before I say goodbye my star in the sky" - This has great emotional implications, I like the line, but maybe take another look at the structure of this line.

"Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth do you find it all right my dragon fly?
We're all gonna die" - I love the drastic change in tone from "all right my dragonfly" to "We're all going to die", it's very jarring in a good way! Another grammar note, dragonfly needs to be capitalized if it's being used as a noun, and it is all one word.

"March 6th, 2012.
A text:
I have the worst news ever. When would be a good time to call you?
I giggled replying.
What's up?
No reply. " - again, I love that the plot implications is all very heartbreaking. These lines get the reader's mind to where it needs to be without being obvious or cliche.

"Her brother probably ate her candy bar.
No reply.
Tick Tock.
Tick tock.
Tick tock .
TICK TOCK .
No reply." - There is such anticipation in these lines. You've done a really great thing with font size. It really does built the tension. By saying that her brother just ate her candy characterizes this narrator as a fundamental optimist, which makes the crisis of this girl much more heartbreaking.

"She resorts to her bedroom.
The door is closed." - saying that she resorts to the bedroom, it makes me believe that it is something that doesn't happen often. Great word choice. I love that you have nailed down the characterization of these people even within the context of prose poetry.

"The human being I shared secrets with and who I had little fights with..
Had tumors spreading in her spine." - I loved that you stripped this girl of everything but her humanity and her illness. It's very raw to shape your eyes to only see the humanity in people. So moving.

"In the course of an hour, our silent house heard each stage of grief flow out of my soul." - there is something so very haunting about these lines. I really enjoyed them.

"The end of winter air knew.
The dead birch trees knew.
The woodland cretures knew.
The grey sky above knew." - absolutely gorgeous lines. The only thing I would fix is the spelling of "creatures"

"Outside we sat in the sun.
Chocolate cake.
Confused trees. " - Great description here. Adding that one abstraction at the end is very striking.

"A cake from Buddy, the Cake Boss.
People.
People.
More people.
I looked in her eyes across the way.
but she grew angry and looked away." - there is a desperation here, as if the people around them, caring as they may be, are only obstacles.

"I frantically run to the window and look up to the sky.
She's gone.
She left the day before on Friday, April 13th." - Heartbreaking lines here. I absolutely love that the narrator rushes to find this girl in the sky. Like he might glimpse her one last time.

"Her face is all over the place, like some kind of animal.
The bullies that hurt her post her obituary." - I love this. It perfectly illustrates the frustrations you feel in this situation where others want to be there for someone in a time of need, but you have always been there regardless and really just want all of these others fair-weather friends to leave things alone.

"People turn around.
A dump truck appears.
My mother tells me not to watch.
But I do.
And to my horror dirt is carelessly dumped on my best friend." - again, the lines here are very moving. There is an other-ing of something that is natural - a burial - into something more sinister and cruel because of the emotions that this normal event is dancing on. It is a ritual that is normal until you are in the position of the person burying a loved one.

"Down the long and curvy country road, the steeple greets me in view.
Though by the bushes and under the tree she is never there." - These lines hurt me. I held it together until this point. So much passion here.

"Had I known then what I know now, I would have been blown away by awe.
Love keeps us alive." - one of the best endings I've seen in a long time, which makes the piece as a whole that much more powerful. Endings are hard; truly, and you've ended this with such grace despite the sorrow. Thank you so much for this beautiful read. Write on!

-Rynn

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Kathryn, reading this made me so sad and really feel (something which I try hard not to do) but this was a heart-touching read.

"I was the last one.

The last with her before the casket was closed forever.

The first to place the 1000th crane in her dead hand.

The first girl to befriend her.

The last girl to say goodbye."

These lines made me realize that I'll be the same.. You're right when you say love remains..it really does even though the person is gone..

[Coyote Poetry]

A powerful and sad story told.
"Friends are forever. Even when you're gone.
Had I known then what I know now, I would have been blown away by awe.
Love keeps us alive."
I agree with the best lines. I lost friend to war and everyday I think of them. We have few real friends in a lifetime Thank you for sharing the story.
Coyote

[dan]

Kathryn, the five stages of grief seem to be playing out in this hauntingly beautiful piece. So much love mired in the inability to reach acceptance and closure. Angry with whatever god had done this to her, put her through all that pain...put US through all that pain. People. People who miss her terribly. Especially you. It took courage to write this, and I admire that. God bless your friend's soul. take care...dan

[Philip Muls]

Wow, sends shivers up my spine. Genuine, human, in awe for the essence of human friendship and love. Respectful, but angry. Powerless, yet grateful for having had time with her.

Well done. Respect.

[Kathryn Smith]

Thanks a million!!