Come Alive (1)

I'm a girl with a new face

And a life that's been changed

I was a little bit lost 

But I'm not anymore

I was a little bit hurt

but I'm not anymore

I was a little left out

but I'm not anymore

I was a little messed up 

but I'm not anymore

I was a little far gone

but I'm not anymore

And the tears fell down

but they don't anymore 

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. 

And when I am together with family; I sometimes feel left out. Alone. Invisible. 

Alienated. 

Among me are the people who couldn't understand why my parents did not abort me.

To make matters worse, my mother told me this week that my father would have gone through with the termination had she chose to do so. 

My own father. 

He would've let me die. 

That makes me want to cry. 

And even though they chose not to, I still feel shattered. 

Growing up, I did not look like a normal child. 

I have always been so tiny. 

I remember my cousin pointed out once that her father told her that I was "different." 

And suddenly after that remark, I watched her fade away from me and avoid me. 

Even though every Aunt and Uncle, every family member has been polite and kind and loving towards me; I still feel the underestimation. 

I am about to graduate college. 

And no one is talking about it. 

It wasn't a prestigious college. 

I'm not getting a big fancy degree. 

But it's still a degree. 

People may not take what I have to say or do seriously. 

And people may see me as the "runt" who isn't that bright or talented...

In the very beginning, my life may have not mattered...

But I am here. Thankful.

And I am ready to move the mountains those do not see. 

Author's Note