My Precious

My Precious

A Poem by John Alexander McFadyen

We all have ways of protecting ourselves and surviving.


My Precious

Just how dark can it get?

I've been here, in here,

a long, long time.

The echoes still seem

so distant

and the voices mock

and challenge me to fight back.

But I avoid conflict

and convince myself

that everything is going to be alright.

Here under the heavy cloak of denial

I live a life full of brutal, bruised delusions.

Sméagol  like, 

I hold them tightly to my chest,

“We wants it, we needs it. 

Must have the precious. 

They stole it from us. 

Sneaky little hobbitses. 

Wicked, tricksy, false!”  

so that no-one else

may snatch them from my grasp.

They are the crutches upon which

I hobble from hour to hour,

day to day,

week to bloody week,

until months and years converge

with cold cruel regret.

That priest, that god,

that saviour of man,

who once held me in his shadow

has left me so broken.


© 2017 John Alexander McFadyen

Author's Note

John Alexander McFadyen
Quote by J.R.R. Tolkien

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Smeagollllll!!! I saw his picture and wanted to read. Good write, John.

Posted 12 Months Ago

John Alexander McFadyen

12 Months Ago

Thank you Mirror!
A very nice tale written. Sméagol made this movie. His character dangerous and he knew how to survive. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.

Posted 1 Year Ago

John Alexander McFadyen

1 Year Ago

Many thanks Coyote.
Coyote Poetry

1 Year Ago

You are welcome John.
There is so much to your writing than what the eye sees. Read it once and it's great. Read it again, dive a bit deeper and you'll discover something you missed. Even the banished need to survive somehow. There is a profound sadness that hit me with this one. Thank you for sharing it John.

Posted 1 Year Ago

John Alexander McFadyen

1 Year Ago

Thank you duff. I try to use emotion in my pieces, often true, sometimes past, sometimes present.

1 Year Ago

You are very welcome sir. Nice job.
Delusions...brutal, bruised yet all one has as one hobbles to that cold, cruel, indifferent finishing line. Till then, one needs their deceptive comfort to eke out that empty, disillusioned existence. Touched my core...

Posted 1 Year Ago

John Alexander McFadyen

1 Year Ago

Thank you Divya. I certainly hope your existence is richer.

1 Year Ago

I can't say for sure John...I question it ever so often. Annoying stuff happens as one approaches h.. read more
Moral, emotional, physical, sexual abuse, all turn the victims inward upon shemselves with self-destructive shame and guilt. Criminal priests and cover- ups continue -criminally. Smeagol as a metaphor for the sickness of this , is unique. Well-done!

Posted 1 Year Ago

John Alexander McFadyen

1 Year Ago

Indeed and all too common. Many thanks Annette.
Denial certainly has it's uses. It can afford us time for proper healing and building up of strength.Like everything, too much of it can be counter-productive and give us a skewed view of Life. 'The coward of the county' came to mind John. Not a tale of a coward, despite the title.

Posted 1 Year Ago

John Alexander McFadyen

1 Year Ago

Indeed Tony and Catholic guilt can feed it and shore up its walls. Many thanks.
Tony Jordan

1 Year Ago

Yes, so true. Guilt = control.
Cheers John

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6 Reviews
Added on July 11, 2017
Last Updated on July 12, 2017


John Alexander McFadyen
John Alexander McFadyen

Brixworth, England, United Kingdom

Well, have a long and complicated story and started it as an autobiography on Bebo but got writer's block/memory fogging. People liked it though and kept asking for the next chapter! fools.. more..


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