Roller Coaster

Up, down
Round and round
Screams piercing ones ears
As the giant drop appears
Clinging to the bars
Knuckles white as the clouds above the cars
Stomach churning
Lungs burning
Just when you think the descent is slowing
The acceleration rate begins growing
Going down faster, faster and faster
Regretting you go on this roller coaster seemingly headed for disaster

You’ve hit the bottom of the abyss
Slowing to a crawl just as you submiss
The crawl turns to running
A rise is soon coming

Throwing your hands up in the air
And with them go all your worries and cares
The wind rushes past your ears
Bringing with it hope and cheer

While the ecstasy is still in your veins
Upside down you go
Making destructive spirals of thoughts form in your brain
Your breath becomes shallow and short
Almost falling out of the car, you grab on for support
Losing control, screaming for help
Lost in the wind is your yelp

Just when you think you’re about to burst
The ride continues
And you realize with horror
The only way out is in a hearse

Reviews

[bigfootprint]

Love the energy here. Your lyrics follow the whirling swirling movement of the roller coaster. The active voice and rhyme scheme, even the long and short stanzas, add to the intensity, giving an intense mix of exposition and narrative. The sensations of slow and fast contribute to the mood. I tripped over a couple of words, like submiss in the second stanza, and go in the fourth. You might consider trying for a smoother mix. Also, line "Lost in the wind ..." switches to passive voice. Maybe something like "The wind muffles your yelp. Sometimes it is better to rephrase than to force the line. I hear some poets look for months and months to find the perfect word match. I have rewritten a whole poem to fix a single line. Your work is good here, but a great poem deserves best effort.