Chemicals

 

 

 

The chemicals were there
the smell, feel, taste
they were careful not to uncork the vial
temptation so strong

They were each other's half
they were careful not to slice the middle of the apple
candied and sweet

He came into her life
on a hot July day by circimstance
perhaps in retrospect, serendipity
meant to be
the timing was, it was
off like a clock with a broken
tick-tock

Came he did even though the clock was
off and out of time
to look at each one seperately
they were ordinary

He tall and thin
lanky eyes of ice-blue
though so warm
one of the last cowboys
a dying breed

She tall dark hair with eyes to match
warm and inviting with a slight foreign accent
ordinary by standards

To see them together
now this was another story of it's own
both looked beautiful, mystical and so magical
electricity sparked , flew shooting
arrows with tips of red love into each other's heart

The timing was off
broken like a clock
the love was so apparent
they fit each other like a glove

He asked her to come with him
with a shakey voice and tears falling
she told him all the reasons she could not

Being in tune with each other
these things he understood
with tears falling he pulled her to him
she did not resist

One kiss? The temptation so great
the timing so off
she touched his face
he drove away out of her life
just as he had driven into it

She sank to her knees
he could see her in his rearview
through the hot July haze and
red dust from the dirt road

Never did they forget the other
as a love like this comes but once in a life time
light years apart, still their
love was not lost

Author's Note

inspired by a book amd movie .. i bet you can tell what book..

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

Bittersweet beauty in this poem that tells a story, Chloe! No matter how much love there is between two people, sometimes it just doesn't work. There was a song a few years ago entitled "Sometimes love is not enough" and this came to mind as I read your words. No, I don't know where it came from, but I do know I liked it a lot. Lydia

[Beck]

yes, maybe from personal experience. LOVED it. I am glad I read it. Beck

[Celtic Cat]

Gosh this is crushing. Absolutely crushing. A beautiful portrayal, excellent work.

[The Elder Pine]

This reminded me of romeo and juliet in a way. The way you write almost gives texture to the words if that makes sence, the images are so real you can almost feel them for yourself. This I think is my favorite piece of your to date, one more an amazing write.

"The chemicals were there
the smell, feel, taste
they were careful not to uncork the vial
temptation so strong

They were each other's half
they were careful not to slice the middle of the apple
candied and sweet

He came into her life
on a hot July day by circumstance
perhaps in retrospect, serendipity
the timing was, it was
off like a clock with a broken
tick-tock

Came he did even though the clock was
off and out of time
to look at each one seperately
they were ordinary

He tall and thin
lanky eyes of ice-blue
though so warm
one of the last cowboys
a dying breed

She tall dark hair with eyes to match
warm and inviting with a slight foreign accent
ordinary by standards

To see them together
now this was another story of it's own
both looked beautiful, mystical and so magical
electricity sparked , flew shooting
arrows with tips of red love into each other's heart

The timing was off
broken like a clock
the love was so apparent
they fit each other like a glove

He asked her to come with him
with a shakey voice and tears falling
she told him all the reasons she could not

Being in tune with each other
these things he understood
with tears falling he pulled her to him
she did not resist

One kiss? The temptation so great
the timing so off
she touched his face
he drove away out of her life
just as he had driven into it

She sank to her knees
he could see her in his rearview
through the hot July haze and
red dust from the dirt road

Never did they forget the other
as a love like this comes but once in a life time
light years apart, still their
love was not lost

[Jared Kardos]

It wasn't bad, but I think there's too much allegory or misused ones. I think it would work better if you drop the title and first stanza in favor of just simply a poem about two people, or you could extend the chemical metaphor and make it more the focus point of the poem.

Still not a bad poem, though, good job. :)

[Kurt Stroebel]

Very nice build up, climax, and then descent. I actually felt sad for these two as he drove away. I can't guess where it came from, but really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing!

:) :)
~Kurt~

[T.B. Odin]

Chloe, you have stolen my heart with this bittersweet poem. One thing before my criticism. One person can love with all of their heart, but if the other person does not love them back, then that heart is better to leave and suffer the pains until it heals than to submit to the punishment of not being loved in return. With that said now for the good stuff...Fantastic..Fantastic..Fantastic. An explosion of emotion, an emotional trap for the reader and just all together well written with strong direction and delivery. A must share and read...

[Carole]

I'm not sure, but I don't watch a lot of movies...a magical write just the same which is so indicative of you. Has kind of a sad ending, but so do movies...Very nice lady. Hope you are well.

[Valentine]

When I first saw the title I thought China..but after I read it...it hit me right where it hurts the most..a part of me loves someone from long ago and always will..I didn't believe he would come back for me..I waited months without a word from him..My brother accused me of being bad and driving him away..So to get even I married someone else..He came the following Saturday.."I am here after the girl who has my heart" is what he said to my mom..she told me and I took pills but they just made me sick.. I found him a couple of years ago..but his wife responded he refused to even look at my picture..I understand from what my younger brother told me..He was Catholic and I protestant and his parents were a long time in giving their approval..One thing I have learned..life hurts ..God bless Valentine

[Emily B]

Chloe, this is lovely. It pulls at my heart. To love once, like that, is such a blessing. I'm not sure if I could bear to love, like that, and then have it lost. Another beautiful write!

[Bernie Shelton]

Magical Stuff Chloe, enjoyed a great deal.
Bernie