Dangling

Dangling

A Poem by Chloe..Across the Universe

she sits on a ledge in the rain
dangling her feet
on a monday
she sings a song no one
can hear but her
she used to be a singer
till an evil man in black
took her melody
she holds a book -
a pen writing a love letter
to someone she does not know
the rain blurs the blue ink
it looks like a painting
of the melody she once had
the rain stops
the sun comes out
she puts on her sunglasses
 pulls out a cigarette
the matches are wet
so she holds it
in her mouth unlit
this was her swan song
without a melody
her goodbye letter
without a word
her feet no longer dangle
they are crushed by the concrete
she now lies on
monday morning beneath
a sky of gray
the rain kicks its heels
and washes the blood away

© 2011 Chloe..Across the Universe



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Featured Review

I love the three opening lines - they set a whimsical scene so many girls can relate to - the idyllic time before men in black stole their joy. You bring it all back to reality in the last 4 lines...
monday morning beneath
a sky of gray
the rain kicks its heels
and washes the blood away.

Great work.


Posted 6 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Beautifully written and the title sums it up. Lovely deep lines.

Posted 3 Years Ago


I enjoyed this sad, but so great life sketch of your quill... how many times, these girls, feel like this, and nobody notice them? beautifully penned, with great details, and a huge imagery for your readers Chloe.

Well done,
- Elisa

Posted 3 Years Ago


Overwhelmingly sad words. A woman whose joie de vivre has been stolen brutally by "a man in black" and she can not even light her last cigarette because the matches are wet. The poor soul thinks suicide is the only way out and she is convinced no one will notice she is gone. Heavy sigh.....the intensity of darkness is incredible. Excellent poetry. Lydi**

Posted 3 Years Ago


The cigarette "symbolic for her inner fire" and then the rain "man" came and put it out for good. The rain comes back to wash away the evidence. I loved the title...and I loved where your words took me. A favorite!

Posted 3 Years Ago


Chloe..Across the Universe

3 Years Ago

Hello thank you for reading I'm really glad you enjoyed this
I have not written lately I don't.. read more
Wow this is really intense i like it a lot!!

Posted 5 Years Ago


oh my tragedy. Chloe! Miss you! I love the whole scenario. Wet matches, who couldn't say? lol Love, Mishel

Posted 5 Years Ago


i love how you wrote this poem it has alot of details and is a wonderful read i like the last four lines beautiful..

Posted 5 Years Ago


This is hard hitting. When you feel alone....you feel alone and nobody can help.

Posted 5 Years Ago


the ending is so true and sad
it's like we all get crushed and theres noone to turn to
this is awesome and soREAL
love it
it hurts (good way)

Posted 5 Years Ago


Her love and joy taken...then the denial of the cigarette was like having him steal any sigh of relief. I really felt a burden that could not be shifted from one's shoulders. The ending was a stunner. I'd love to see this as an animated narrative.

Posted 5 Years Ago



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1811 Views
47 Reviews
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Shelved in 5 Libraries
Added on April 8, 2011
Last Updated on April 8, 2011

Author

Chloe..Across the Universe
Chloe..Across the Universe

Smalltown, USA, AR



About
Sometimes i feel like an alien in a strange land..can you relate? I love people and friends are just that to me , friends-if you request me as a friend it would be nice if you read something I have .. more..

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