The 49 Bus.

I'm going to build a human rocket

Okay, stop there, let me take you back to chemistry class. Remember the blast, the six-foot hole

I know, but I was young then, now I know what I'm doing

Okay, let me remind you, your supersonic car. The passengers on the top deck of the number 49 watched you flying by. You caused mayhem.

Exactly, now I've recalculated

My god, the exact words you used with your rotorless helicopter. People have stopped using the 49  now. Mrs Brown took a heart attack when she saw you with a screwdriver. You have to stop man

Can’t, I'm on the verge of greatness

Don’t use that word, verge, your electric car, and the mile long length of cable. That poor driver, when you turned in front of him. He just stopped the bus, walked up to the psychiatric hospital, and committed himself

Well I can hardly be blamed for that. Never understood why he gave up the teaching job

Look, just go down the Job centre, they’ll fix you up with something. Now promise me

Okay, I’ll go down the Job centre

One week later

News has just come in of a suspected terrorist attack in London, reports of an Exocet missile flying round Big Ben have been confirmed.

Police have now confirmed the missile was in fact a human rocket.

Latest reports coming in, seem to suggest the terrorist has been killed by a Double decker bus. We also believe the driver was attacked by the passengers, suggesting a second terrorist was involved.

Police have now totally ruled out the attack on Big Ben as a terrorist attack, reports coming in suggest the human rocket was in fact an ex chemistry teacher, sketchy reports are also coming in regarding the 49 bus, which seemed to be a hundred miles off route.

Passengers tell of the horrendous journey. The bus company say the driver had removed the route Sat Nav, replacing it with a revolutionary Sat Nav he had invented that day.

As a mark of respect, the bus company say they will be changing the 49 to the new 50. Relaunched that day, all was going well for the new driver, till a large Bat shaped object landed on the windscreen.

Reviews

[Kathy Van Kurin]

'The 49 Bus'
Paul Bell,
As I read this very fun and innovative story it definitely reminded of my school days. Wow! You just never know what will happen in class as students try out their own ideas. Well with a really good chemistry teacher or even science who knows what's next. I did pretty good in Chemistry although I still do not know how I got good grades in that class. I never felt I earned them. Well I would love to hear about some of your other experiences or something of that nature that brought this super story to life.
Blessings to ya!
Kathy

[Paul Bell]

I recall quite a few instances in chemistry class, but the funniest was definitely the clear chemical in the beaker that when shaken turned blue. Our teacher was hopeless, but he was really pleased with himself with this experiment. Now I knew he would be showing this to every class that day. So in break time I replaced the liquid with water. I then stood outside his classroom as the next lot of students sat down. Right on cue he started the experiment, shaking the beaker like a madman. The students were totally bemused. Unfortunately my laughter was short-lived, cos he spotted me, and then like the mad professor chased me up and down the school.

[Carola]

what an absolutely fun read ! 👍 though i would call it a two-part story rather than a poem.

in the first part, to me anyway, it sounds like i'm listening in on a conversation of couple of youngish men fantasising & tinkering around with science class tools & gadgets in the back garden shed.
the second part is a wonderful imaginative radio news report.
love this poem.
cheerio carola

[Paul Bell]

You definitely don't want this guy installing double glazing. Though, in saying that there is a revolutionary new glass he's just invented.

[Carola]

ha ha ha!!! 😃

[Einstein Noodle]

i am not familiar with the 49 bus and so googled it to see what i could find .. there are many of them eh!? when a pre teen i took buses everywhere tho ... i felt empowered and free as my parents let me go alone .. lucky those days were less dangerous .. but the human rocket sparked some memories of imagined glory for sure as myself and Kevin Kotes (still remember his name) the science geek down the block, designed, built and attempted a launch ... never got off the ground but what a time experimenting with our mixture to make gun powder ... lots of sulfuric smoke, some melting and a bit of fire or two ;) fun read! wish i had more experiences on the 49 tho. :)
E.

[Paul Bell]

Sadly the 49 bus doesn't exist any more, having been replaced by the new 50. Though, the new 50 isn't fairing any better. How high did your rocket get off the ground, and were there any greenhouses blown up in descent.

[Einstein Noodle]

ahahahaha not a millimeter off the ground ;) but what satisfaction that we designed it with such seriousness .. all on paper .. like an architect's schematic ... it had a decent burn for home made gun powder ... i am afraid we missed the mark on an ignition container that would direct the thrust .... but great memory and fun non-the-less .. didn't do another .. lost interest ;)

[gram linski]

Lol, nice one dude, it must be a communal thing, my 49 is exactly the same, damn b*****d regional bus services, die, die,

[Paul Bell]

Must be because 9+4 =13. Though, my 49 bus driver just hates passengers.

[alanwgraham]

Ha Ha Paul. As an ex science teacher I'm responsible for a few explosions and near misses but no deaths and I think humour is the best approach. You've passed with flying colours!
On a more serious note I was recently on our local bus when the driver braked which resulted in the death of an elderly passenger. I use the seat belt now!
All the best,
Alan

[Paul Bell]

Bus drivers are invariably nuts. Nice to see seatbelts on buses though, not before time.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Dry with a witty flavour Paul. A humour filled read to brighten yet another dull and rainy day here in the Midlands. Got to go out now, but decided to walk instead of catching the 49 at the borttom of the drive!

[Paul Bell]

This definitely is summer, isn't it.

[Mrudula Rani]

Poor 49 Bus driver, his bad luck followed him forever in the form of ex chem teacher who had no business dabbling in aerodynamics. Some will never learn!! " Doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results is definition of insanity " Einstein is credited with that saying, there is a true physicist for you.

[Paul Bell]

I agree, if at first you don't succeed, move to a different country. lol

[Mrudula Rani]

Your measure is a little drastic! ( I prefer to put it in the cold storage for a bit).

[Paul Bell]

Something tells me this guy would change cold storage into an inferno.

[Edie Blue Starfish]

:) to be fair, genius involves trial and error but there are some costly fails en route.

[Paul Bell]

That's what I say.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh my...some just don't want to ever get regular jobs...and they think they are inventors...but one invention after another fails...
i like the way you present this with the word of mouth information...not quite reliable...but the best there is to work with.
and that Bat? I would like to drive his car.
j.

[Paul Bell]

This is what happens when you buy a kid a Bob the builder toolbox.

[barleygirl]

I'm going to channel your ditzy uninhibited mojo, so I can write as imaginatively as this, in regards to my neighbor the hoarder (I already need another installment to his ongoing saga, which escalated in recent weeks). I think your secret is to be emotionally detached (not judgmental like me). The way you describe a scene & the people in it, you come across like an uninvolved drone flying overhead & channeling the graphic video scenes into our brainwaves (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

See, Margie, that neighbour is a sort of hero.
This is what keeps the world turning.
I would be checking the neighbour to see if he's got anything worth stealing.

[barleygirl]

I bought a new refrigerator after 30 yrs with the old one. The delivery guys refused to drive down my little country lane, but at least I strong-armed them into walking the fridge down to my place, a steep rocky walk! They refused to take my old fridge up that hill to take it away. I was telling this to a friend & she said to just haul the old one up to Aaron's place . . . he already has 3 fridges that I can see, so what's one more? This guy is a fountain of inspiration & I'm dying to write about him at length! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Paul Bell]

Cool guy, lol