Alliaceous

A short story about routine, depression, cats, coffins, corpses and roses (not as gothic as it sounds, I swear)

Alliaceous

          Everyday he would wake up and do the same thing. Everyday he would have his sleep interrupited by the alarm clock by his bed. Everyday he would complain about the absurdly annoying noise that thing made and how it ruined his entire day. Everyday he would bump his pinky toe on the shelf and, as usual, curse for it. Everyday he would tie his tie and wish that there was someone there to tie his tie for him and then, maybe, this someone would kiss him softly so that all stress would vanish away. Everyday he would have breakfast by himself, as he also did on lunch, dinner and every other meal. Everyday he would go to work so that he could do things he didn’t quite undestand but that ,somehow, managed to get him a good-enough salary. Everyday he would get back home, eat and take a shower. Everyday he would watch tv for maybe 1 or 2 hours while all his problems danced on his head as people beyond the screen tried to guess what was the right price of things he had no interest in buying. Everyday he would lay on his bed, hug his pillow and cry to sleep. He would do the same thing everyday, as he did yesterday and would do tomorrow.

             But not today. Today the alarm clock rang but he didn’t wake up. As he didn’t wake up there were no complains as he couldn’t hear any (annoying or not) noise. There wasn’t even a day to be ruined neither. As he hadn’t left the bed nor brush his teeth, his alliaceous breath would spread throughout the room, atracting a curious cat that entered through the window, ate the food scraps around the house and rested for a brief moment on our nameless protagonist chest. As the hours went by, color left his body, as did warmth and even the cat, the last (and, probably, the only) friend of such soul.

                 On the third day, when the uncomfortable yet bearable smell of garlic had already been replaced by an awful scent of decomposition, our corpse was found by a neighboor. It wasn’t something pretty to see, but at least there was no blood. He had frothed at the mouth which made him look like some kind of frozen, wild animal. At least his eyes were closed, better this way for the old lady who didn’t have to touch the dead man’s eyelid.

                  A distant cousin took care of the burial, it was a very simple ceremony -why would she spend her money on someone she hadn’t seem in 3 years?- with not many visitors. As the coffin was being carried to the hole where it would be buried, the cottom capping his narines and ears feel off, and with them his corpse fluids started dripping, mixing with the roses. The few that were present can confirm every and each word I’ll tell you know and that who disagrees is nothing but a huge a liar: that was the smell of dead. Not the smell of decomposition, not the smell of roses but the combination of all. As it spreaded, those man carrying the coffin just trew it inside the hole on the ground, in a hurry to get rid of that. His cousin and her husband proceeded to end that as soon as posible and as did the priest. But the smell didn’t leave their noses till, let’s say, maybe one or two weeks after the episode, as some sort of reminder of what had happened.Everyday, at least while they didn’t know what to do with the apartment, -would the sell it? Rent it?- the cat would come back. There wasn’t any food or source of fun there anymore, just lifeless rooms. But the cat would always come back. Don’t ask me why, as I don’t have the awser either, all I know is that the cat would get in at night, sit on the couch for 1-2 hours and then sleep facing down the pillow, quietly. Until it didn’t.

 

Author's Note

Thank you for reading and please leave a review! Sorry for the grammar (english isn't my first language ;/). This is a little experimental test of mine in which I tried using things such as repetition to create the feeling of routine and etc. I really do hope you enjoy :)!!!
P.S.: I didn't correct the text as soon as I promised (and I'm sorry for that, I just didn't have the time to enter the site and everything, but that won't happen again) and I also don't believe I've corrected all the grammar mistakes (one day I will). Anyway, working on it. Thank you for reading :)

Reviews

[Desirée Tolliver]

This is a very interesting read. I really enjoyed the suspense of the story, especially with the description of when the man died. I could almost connect with the protagonist on a personal level and it kinda made me feel sad for him since he died alone and no one discovered him until a couple of days later. I would like to commend you on your creativity and, even though English isn't your first language and the grammar is bad, the story was pretty awesome (and sad). Keep up the good work and good luck on your future endeavors. I look forward to reading more works by you. (And if you ever need any help with your grammar, Google always helps :) )

[Paula Abreu]

Thank you so much for your review!!! I promess my english isn't that bad, but I wanted so bad to post something that I wrote the text really fast and forgot to review it and etc, but I will correct it when I have the time to do so. I'll also try Google to see if there isn't anything I missed before posting it hahah

[Desirée Tolliver]

You're welcome and good luck ;)

[Kion B.]

A great story. I must admit I felt a connection with the main character, repetition and routine can really make life hellish to go through. Try to write the stories in word or some other program so that you can use autocorrect to the fullest. :p
Hope to see more of your stories.

[Paula Abreu]

Thanks for the review :), i'll take your advide and write on word before posting it here. I must just say that, even though my english isn't that good it also isn't that bad (lol) it's just that I was so anxious to post something here that I forgot to review the text and etc, but as soon as I have time (probably tomorrow) I'll rewrite it and try tô correct most of those mistakes.

[Kion B.]

That's great, and I can understand the excitment when posting a story. Not to say your english is bad, it's really good, especially for a non native speaker. Hope to read more of your stories in the future.

[Paula Abreu]

Thank you :), I'll read some of yours too im the future (prbably tomorrow), I'm sure they're great

[Kion B.]

And the pot called the kettle black, just noticed a typo :) excitement
And thanks,

[Paula Abreu]

Hahahha, ok, thanks :)

[Paula Abreu]

Sorry, it's one of those words which has a similar meaning andtyping in portuguese and I ended up making this mistakes

[Paula Abreu]

But I'll work on that, hoping that soon those end up being less and less frequent

[Cormac]

The repetition works, creates an atmosphere, a rather depressing atmosphere in this case. Your description of his job is great. Good story, leaves the reader satisfied, if a little down. work on your spelling and grammar (I had to say that, I'm an English teacher, professional deformity) but congratulations for having the nerve to write and publish in a language not your own.

[Paula Abreu]

Thanks you so much for the advice, I'm REALLY sorry for the cringeworthy mistakes I've commited on the text, I was just in such a hurry to post something that I wrote the text on the very own website and postes it without even reading twice, but I'll try to correct them as soon as posible